Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
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Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn OikleLearn more about your relationship style, whether you are single or in a relationship.

Both singles and couples can take an Attachment Style Quiz to see if your relating style may put you at risk for relationship trouble.

If you are part of a couple, take the Relationship Dynamics Scale to assess whether your relationship shows danger signs that may lead to problems in the future.

 
 

Attachment Style Quiz
Below are four general relationship styles that people often report.
Place a checkmark next to the style that best describes you or is closest to the way you are.


____ A. It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.


____ B. I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.


____ C. I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.


____ D. I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.

This questionnaire assess attachment style. If you chose A, you have secure attachment and likely have successful relationships. If you chose B, C, or D, you tend to have one of three types of insecure attachment, which puts you at risk for relationship difficulty. If you would like to learn more about anxious attachment or insecure love, check out the Reading List. The section “Books on Unhealthy Relationships” has several informative books on this topic, many of which refer to the concept as "love addiction".

If insecure love is a problem for you, Coupling Connection can help you break out of the pattern and build a more satisfying, loving relationship. See Services for more information.

For Couples: Relationship Dynamic Scale

Answer each of the following questions about your relationship with your partner.

Use the following 3 point scale to rate how often you and your partner experience the following:

1 = almost never
2 = once in a while
3 = frequently

1. Little arguments escalate into ugly fights with accusations, criticisms, name calling or bringing up past hurts.

2. My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires.

3. My partner seems to view my words or actions more negatively than I mean them to be.

4. When we have a problem to solve, it’s like we are on opposite teams.

5. I hold back from telling my partner what I really think and feel.

6. I think seriously about what it would be like to date or marry someone else.

7. I feel lonely in this relationship.

8. When we argue, one of us withdraws...that is, doesn’t want to talk about it anymore or leaves the scene.

These questions were devised by Dr.’s Markman, Stanely, and Blumberg at the University of Denver. They are based on 17 years of research on the kinds of communication and conflict management patterns that predict if a relationship is headed for trouble. In a nationwide telephone survey, the average score was 11. While a higher score does not mean that your relationship is destined to fail, higher scores can mean that your relationship may be in greater danger unless changes are made.

Calculate your score by adding up your answers on the scale from 1-3 for each question, with a minimum score being 8 and a maximum score being 24.

A score from 8-12 is a Green Light:
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn OikleIf you scored in the 8-12 range, your relationship is probably in good or even great shape AT THIS TIME. We emphasize “at this time” because relationships don’t stand still. In the next 12 months, you'll either have a stronger, happier relationship or you could head in the other direction. Think of it this way, it’s like you are traveling along and have come to a green light. You don’t need to stop, but this is a great time to work on making your relationship all it can be!

A score of 13-17 is a Yellow Light:
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn OikleIf you scored in the 13-17 range, it’s like coming to a “yellow light.” You need to be cautious. While you may be happy in your relationship now, your score reveals warning signs of patterns that you don’t want to get worse. You’ll want to be taking action to protect and improve what you have. Spending time to strengthen your relationship now could be the best thing you could do for your future together.

A score of 18-24 is a Red Light:
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn OikleIf you scored in the 18-24 range, it’s like approaching a “red light.” Stop and think about where the two of you are headed. Your score indicates the presence of patterns that could put your relationship at significant risk. You may be heading for trouble or you may already be there. But there is good news. You can stop and learn to improve your relationship now!

Whether your relationship scored a green, yellow or red light, Coupling Connection has a service designed to make the most of your relationship!

If you scored a green light, now may be the perfect time to enroll in an educational workshop and learn more about how to ensure your relationship stays on the right track.

If you scored a yellow light, couples coaching may be the perfect way to enhance the knowledge and skills to take your relationship to the next level of satisfaction.

If you scored a red light, couples coaching or counseling can help you get back on the right track!

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