Passion
comes easy in the early stages of a relationship, when just
a little kiss can cause a tingle. But as time wears on, passion
fades. This is a natural process so there is no need for alarm.
In fact, after around 18 months, the chemicals that stimulate
the initially intense desire begin to level off. So, if you
want to keep your passion alive, you’ll have to work
at it! Your libido is like a muscle– if you don’t
use it, you'll lose it!
One of the biggest complaints couples have is a
declining love life. Since sex is a wonderful way to connect
emotionally, brings such physical pleasure, and even confers
health benefits– it makes sense to do whatever you can
to strengthen this area of your relationship.
There are a number of reasons that sexual interest
and activity tend to decline over time. Two of the most common
are:
- lack of time/energy
- lack of effort/connection
Since Americans lead such busy lives, with overbooked
schedules, hectic weekends, and endless to-do lists, it may
come as no surprise that fatigue is one of the biggest reasons
couples give for their declining love life. At the end of
a long day, many couples can barely keep their eyes open,
never mind have sex! This is particularly true once children
arrive.
Two simple things that you can do to counteract this
libido buster are:
¨ Schedule a date! That’s right–
make your love life a priority by clearing your schedule and
making a date. Pencil it on the calendar and make no excuses!
You do this for such tedious and unpleasant tasks as going
to the dentist, why not do it for something as important and
pleasurable as your love life!
¨ Get some exercise! Exercise is good for two
reasons. First, it is an excellent way to combat lack of energy
in general. Second, exercise stimulates the sex hormones,
making it more likely that you’ll get in the mood. Better
yet, exercise together. Then hop in the shower, suds each
other up, and away you go!
Another
very common reason for a decline in sexual interest and activity
is a lack of effort in keeping connected to your partner.
Over time, this can lead to feeling distant and unconnected
to your partner. This is where men and women tend to be different.
Women want to feel connected before they are interested in
sex. Men have sex so they can feel connected to their partner.
This can create quite a dilemma!
Two simple things that you can do to counteract this
libido buster are:
- Talk! Spend some time connecting at the end of
each day. Tell each other about what happened, sharing the
good and not so good.
- Touch! Remember to be affectionate with your partner
outside of the bedroom, with no pressure for anything more.
Give a hug before you leave, kiss passionately when you
come home, hold hands when you are out, cuddle on the couch.
Both of these activities build intimacy, which increases
physical attraction and sexual interest.
Remember, you may not have ever thought about it
like this before but,
Your
libido is like a muscle –if you don’t use it,
you will LOSE it!
The less you engage in pleasurable sexual activities,
the less you will feel like it. Conversely, the more you enjoy
sexual activities, the more you will find yourself “in
the mood.”
To counteract this downward spiral and instead build
your desire, consider having the following agreement with
your partner:
- Say “yes” even if you are not in the
mood!
Many couples wait to engage in sexual activity until
both partners are “in the mood.” But what if,
for whatever reason, you’re hardly ever in the mood?
In fact, research shows that 50% of woman don’t feel
like having sex until after they have been physically stimulated.
A lot of times sexual desire just needs a jump start!
Don’t cheat yourself and your partner out of
a pleasurable experience before giving it a chance! Try this
instead: Whenever one of you is “in the mood,”
have the other agree to get started, even if they are not
“in the mood.” Give yourself 10 minutes to let
your body warm up. Chances are once you get started, you’ll
find yourself getting in the mood and enjoying it! The benefit
of this is that, over time, you’ll find you really are
in the mood more often! You don’t have to wait until
you feel like it, just get started!!!
Caveat: If the partner who wasn’t initially
interested in sexual activity gives it a chance for 10 minutes
and still doesn’t want to get sexually involved, the
agreement should be that it is ok to stop. No one should be
made to engage in sexual activity if they really don’t
want to. Perhaps then you could both agree to another great
way to connect: cuddle!
Interested in keeping the passion alive in your relationship?
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