other week, we'll be delivering fresh relating
tips. Let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal
relationship! Find smart tips in these three categories:
- Dating - Ideas on finding and keeping the perfect
- Mating - Take the Passion Perks challenge and
perk up your love life!
- Relating - Tips on making your connection Extraordinary
Does an article
strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation?
pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more
love in their life!
out Dr. Jenn in the current edition (July) of Cosmopolitan
Want to know if a guy's getting serious about you?
Learn 4 clues that are dead give aways that he's totally hooked
on you, pg 54
Stay tuned for Dr. Jenn's appearance in the August
edition of Cosmo too!
Ready for Some Summer Lovin'
But It Never Turns Out the Way You Hoped?
Find out what's standing between you and your soulmate.
Join us for my Soulmate or Stalemate:
9 Keys to Finding Your Perfect Partner workshop at
Colorado Free University's DTC location next monday, June
Learn more or enroll here: http://www.freeu.com/classes/4913.html
the bridesmaid, never the bride? Here’s why!
It’s that time of year again: wedding bells
in the air. And if you’re single, you may be wishing
it was you walking down the aisle. You’re probably sick
of being asked, “So have you found the lucky man yet?”
And attending one more friend’s wedding may make you
So- why isn’t it you looking stunning
in that wedding gown this June? Well, I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, but the reason is most likely YOU! You see, many
women’s trip to the altar gets delayed by poor decision
making. By choosing to spend many years pursuing relationships
with the wrong men, lots of women waste precious time that
they could have used to find Mr. Right. And lo and behold-
there go your twenties, your thirties…
So what’s a perpetual bridesmaid to do? Take
stock of your relationship history and get a very clear picture
of your dating patterns. By recognizing the type of guy you
typically fall for but with whom it never works out, you can
create a new dating plan to steer you away from making the
same old mistakes.
What should you look for? Review all of your significant
dating partners and make a list of three things. First take
note of their personality characteristics
and behaviors. This includes traditional qualities, such as
responsible, honest, or lazy, as well as typical behaviors
such as “always late”, “was an evil flirt,”
or “often brought me flowers.” Then recall the
emotions you frequently experienced
during the relationship. Were you often confused, hurt, and
angry or did you often feel cherished, respected, and appreciated?
Make a list of all of the positive and negative emotions that
you commonly felt. Lastly, examine the roles
you and your partner often adopted. Do you tend to take on
the caretaker, overachiever, or parent roles? Maybe one of
you tended to be more dominant and the other more submissive.
Once you have your lists, carefully review them,
looking for patterns across partners. Most people will find
one or two types of partners that they are often attracted
to. Or maybe your type has changed over the years. For example,
many people flip flop between emotionally unavailable partners
and loving ones who just aren’t their equal in some
way. Or maybe you were attracted to the bad boy type in your
twenties and now you select successful businessmen- trouble
is- both types were emotionally standoffish.
Action Step: Now that
you have a clearer idea of your type or pattern, you can be
on the lookout for these problematic traits, emotions, and
roles as you are dating. When they pop up- don’t ignore
them! Collect more data about that potential partner before
falling madly in love. And better yet- try dating different
types of partners that you typically aren’t attracted
to and see what you learn about yourself. By recognizing the
habits that haven’t worked in the past, you’ll
be able to identify problem partners sooner, which means you
can keep looking until you find the right mate! The less time
you spend in the wrong relationships, the sooner you’ll
be saying “I do.”
Relation Tip: Ready to
be the bride? Join us for the Soulmate workshop next week
and uncover the habits that are keeping you stuck in bridesmaid
status so you can develop new patterns to attract your perfect
partner. Learn more or enroll here: http://www.freeu.com/classes/4913.html
Death Do Us Part
Many women (and some men) put their
partners in a real bind without even realizing it. When you
got married and took your vows (or even if you aren't married)-
you agreed to be each other's sole sexual partner for life.
That means that your partner can have sex with you and
only you. So what happens if your interest in sex wanes
and your response to his advances is almost always no? What's
a guy to do? He's got no ethical choice. But he does have
Unfortunately, this scenario sends many
a man into the bed of another woman...obviously not a great
choice, and never truly justifiable....but still- you did
promise to met his needs till death do us part. Is it justifiable
for you to just stop paying attention to his needs? (Well
and of course, he is supposed to be meeting yours too!)
Perks Challenge: Sometimes we have to remember
that when we signed on for an exclusive relationship- we promised
to meet each other's needs. For better or for worse. Are you
being fair in upholding your end of the bargain? Is your partner?
What needs to change?
Tip: Many women aren't in the mood because
they feel distant or angry with their partners. If there are
specific reasons why you are never in the mood which relate
to your partner's behavior- it's your responsibility to be
open and honest with him and request the changes that you
need so that you can get your love life back on track. Your
partner will be grateful to hear what he can do that will
help you feel romantic again.
Passion is important
to the continued vitality of your relationship! That's why
Dr. Jenn is available to come to your group (business, church,
organization) to give a talk on keeping the passion alive.
for more info.
We Having Fun Yet?:
Importance of Recreational Companionship
How often do you set aside time to have
fun with your spouse? Do you have activities that you do together
that you both find enjoyable? Or do you go your separate
ways, with individual hobbies, in your free time?
If you answered yes to the last question,
you could be putting your relationship at risk. Love is sustained
through having enjoyable experiences together. In
other words, our connection is strengthened through regular
bouts of recreational companionship. But many of us fall prey
to pursuing our own interests in our free time. While that
might be ok to a small degree, if you are having lots of fun
away from your mate- you are robbing your relationship of
a key ingredient for success- and creating happy memories
that don't include your mate!
If we had all the free time in the world,
this wouldn't be an issue. But most of us have precious little
time available to have fun and if we squander it away from
our partners, then we fail to make important deposits into
our bank account of love. This doesn't mean you have to give
up a favorite lifetime pursuit if your identity depends on
it, but it does mean that you should pay careful attention
to the amount of time you devout to such individual activities
and find ways to include your partner or give your partner
Action Step: You
should be investing your fun time together. Work hard to identity
activities that you can both enjoy...you may need to do some
experimenting. And if either of you have passions you typically
do on your own- see if there are enjoyable ways to include
Don't give up what makes you- you- but find ways to include
as many mutually enjoyable activities as possible. If you
want love that lasts a lifetime, your love depends on it!
a New Event!
Price-Fish Cancer Foundation Presents:
Saturday, June 9
At The Tavern- Lowry
Featuring a Live Performance by Denver’s Own: Opie Gone
Concert starts at 9:00 PM at The Soiled Dove (directly under
The Tavern Lowry)
7401 E. 1st Avenue, Denver, CO, 303-366-0007
Your $20.00 donation includes appetizers and a ticket to see
Opie Gone Bad. All proceeds benefit our work with adult cancer
patients and their families, helping them enjoy life!
More info: http://www.dpfcf.org/pages/home.html
Here! That means Marty's Parties are BACK!
Great chance to meet a large group
of professional singles!
Thursday June 14th, from 5:30 to 9:45,
at the Glenmoor Country Club (singles 38 & over).
The summer party dates are:
Thursdays, June 14, July 12, August 9, and September 13th
$20.00 at the door (cash,check) includes
dancing, hors d' oeuvres, mixer game, networking table, door
prizes, free parking (car pooling a plus) and the beautiful
indoor/outdoor venue for the summer! Dress is business/dressy
with a coat OR a tie required for the gentlemen. No jeans
are allowed at the Club, thanks! The cash bar is $5.00 for
well or wine.
Hosted by Marty Pickert. Call 303-649-9125 for more information,
or email firstname.lastname@example.org. www.martypickert.com
us for Savvy Singles Book Club
with local author Mary Jo Fay
Topic: How To Survive
Tues June 26th, Scooter
Joes Coffee, Denver 7-9pm
Learn more: http://bookclub.meetup.com/537/
An online resource guide for Colorado
Singles!Includes an event calendar (you can also sign up to
receive it via email), referrals for area singles services,
and tip of the week. Brought to you by Beth Anderson, of Cotton
Learn more: www.singleocity.com
Singlocity will also be printing a
hard cover version of their resources! Know any good businesses
that serve singles that should be listed? Or maybe even your
own business!? Contact Beth for more info: email
Connection is launching exciting new programs for engaged
couples, couples expecting their first child, and couples
with children! Stay tuned for more info!
* Have you tried a tip or tool
from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about
it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve
your connection? Or no?
Email us! *
Do you have a
topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed
in an upcoming newsletter? Email
Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts?
Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!
May your relationships bring you the happiness you
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
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