other week, we'll be delivering fresh relating
tips. Let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal
relationship! Find smart tips in these three categories:
- Dating - Ideas on finding and keeping the perfect
- Mating - Take the Passion Perks challenge and
perk up your love life!
- Relating - Tips on making your connection Extraordinary
Does an article
strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation?
pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more
love in their life!
Relationship Transition Spots: What Two "Can I be me?"
Tests Can Tell You About Your True Compatibility Potential
from Formal Dates to Couple "Me and We"
So things have been moving smoothly
with your new relationship and you are reaching the stage
where a couple of formal dates a week just doesn't feel like
enough. You want to spend more time together, but you've got
work to do, errands to run, housework to handle.
At this point, budding couples usually
decide to try to "hang out" with each other at home
while engaging in other necessary activities. In other words,
it may be the first time you are together, but not focused
directly on one another. Maybe you read a book, while he pays
bills online, and after, you snuggle up for a video.
This is a natural progression, but not
always smooth. Going from formal dates to what I call "Me
and We" time, can be awkward. You know why?
Because this is another example of the transition to being
more of our selves. Taken out of the date night atmosphere
and plunked down in our homes, we start showing more of our
So this time is another great opportunity
to really gain a sense of whether you truly like this other
person in his natural habitat. And after some success at home,
couples usually venture out together doing errands such as
food shopping, etc.
It's normal to feel somewhat uncomfortable
and awkward during this transition to more personal time.
But after a bit, you want to pay attention to three questions.
1. Do I feel free to really be me? Or
do I still feel like I have to hide to be accepted?
2. Do I truly like the person they are
revealing now that some of the walls are down?
3. Do I really enjoy the time we do
odds and ends together? Do I like food shopping, folding landry,
cooking, etc together, more than I like it alone?
Action Step: As you
transition to more informal time spent together,
be aware of your responses to the above three questions. After
an initial period of adjustment, your answers should become
more and more positive. True compatibility means that you
are free to be yourself as you work together as a team and
get enjoyment from it! If your answers aren't totally positive,
it's time to take a close assessment of your budding partnership.
Relation Tip: Keep in
mind that every new transition, stage, or experience you have
together in a developing relationship is providing you with
important data about whether this is the right person for
you. Remember, dating should be the process of determining
whether this is the right partnership for you. This means
you must keep tuning into the data and always be open to both
sides of the conclusion: yes and no, and be willing to act
on that information. When we ignore it, we only postpone the
Miss Part One? See it here:
Part One: Exposing Your "Weak"
Not sure if your compatibility
is matching up as much as needed? A single consultation session
may be all you need to break out of the cycle.
Email today for more info.
Many couples struggle with mismatched
libidos- where one partner desires sex more often than the
other. And it can lead to a lot of tension, fighting, and
hurt feelings. Here's the solution many sex therapists recommend:
Make love as
often as the one with greater need desires, but do it the
way the one with the lesser need enjoys the most.
Passion Perks Challenge:
If you are in a mismatched relationship- suggest
this solution to your partner and give it a try.
Tip: If you've got the higher libido, don't forget to ask
your partner about their preferences for the way love making
Passion is important
to the continued vitality of your relationship! That's why
Dr. Jenn is available to come to your group (business, church,
organization) to give a talk on keeping the passion alive.
for more info.
Policy of Undivided Attention
Most love fades away for one simple
reason: we don't nourish our relationships
with enough time and attention. In his book, His
Needs and Her needs for Parents, psychologist Willard Harley
prescribes a straightforward, time honored solution: the policy
of undivided attention. According to his years as a martial
therapist, he has learned that for marriages to thrive, couples
need to devote a minimum of 15 hours of week together, where
you give each other your full undivided attention (hint: NO
children, family or friends). During this time, focus on meeting
your partner's needs for affection, sexual fulfillment, intimate
conversation, and recreational companionship.
While you may think that 15 hours seems
impossible, especially if you have children, your relationship
satisfaction depends on it. Without this time and attention,
most couples end up divorced- then you'll wish you had done
the simple thing: carved out 15 hours to spend with your favorite
Action Step: How
many hours are you honestly devoting to undivided attention
with your partner? Get real with yourself- no credit for time
spent with kids, family or friends in tow. What do you need
to do to get to 15?
Relation Tip: If your
relationship has been failing or you feel disconnected, you
will likely need more than 15 hours a week to get back up
to speed. Pump up the time you spend enjoying each other and
soon your love will blossom again.
Relation Tip: Think
you can't possibly find time with your kids in the equation?
Think again! You need to do it FOR THEM! They'd gladly
trade less time with you AND have you stay happily married
than to end up with divorced or unhappy parents. Your romantic
happiness is the most important gift you can give your children!
Want to learn more? I recommend Harley's book: His
Needs and Her needs for Parents.
a New Event!
Happy Hour at Elway’s
by Diana Price-Fish Cancer Foundation
5:30 – 7:30 PM
$15.00 includes appetizers, one complimentary drink and LIVE
More info: http://www.dpfcf.org/pages/home.html
us for special Savvy Singles Book Club with local Mars/Venus
author Janice Hoffman!
Wed May 30th, Scooter
Joes Coffee, Denver 7-9pm
Janice Hoffman, the
local author of Relationship Rules, an extension of Mars/Venus
philosophy, will be joining us to provide his and her tools
for your relationship tool box! Get your signed copy at the
Learn more: http://bookclub.meetup.com/537/
An online resource guide for Colorado
Singles!Includes an event calendar (you can also sign up to
receive it via email), referrals for area singles services,
and tip of the week. Brought to you by Beth Anderson, of Cotton
Learn more: www.singleocity.com
Singlocity will also be printing a
hard cover version of their resources! Know any good businesses
that serve singles that should be listed? Or maybe even your
own business!? Contact Beth for more info: email
Connection is launching exciting new programs for engaged
couples, couples expecting their first child, and couples
with children! Stay tuned for more info!
* Have you tried a tip or tool
from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about
it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve
your connection? Or no?
Email us! *
Do you have a
topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed
in an upcoming newsletter? Email
Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts?
Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!
May your relationships bring you the happiness you
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
Not interested in receiving RelationSmarts?
Send us an Email
with unsubscribe in the body of the message.