Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

February 27, 2007

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship


Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating - tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating - take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating - tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


Dr. Jenn In the News X2!

Dr. Jenn appeared on Denver's Channel 7 ABC morning news to talk about Dump Your Significant Jerk Week and how her workshop can help singles finally break free from the patterns of the past. See the video here: Dump Your Significant Jerk Week

Or check out the article that ran in the Longmont FYI newspaper about how her unique approach to dating and relating can help singles and couples.

Read it: here

Join us for the above featured workshop next up on Sunday March 18th, 2:30-5, Colorado Free University. Enroll for Soulmate or Stalemate? here.


Dating: Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

When was the last time you walked up to some random attractive stranger, say at a party, the grocery store, bank, sporting event or while walking your dog? If you are a guy, chances are you can remember the last time. If you are a woman, you might not be able to. I know very few people who enjoy starting this type of random introduction or engage in it on a regular basis because it means taking a risk. And most of us would rather bear the pain of being ignored than take the risk of being rejected. At least if we never say something, we can assume they never noticed us.

But, and this is a very big BUT, almost every single I know complains that they can't meet anyone. They try internet dating, singles events, etc...and no one arrives. Ok, that stinks, what else can you do? Start opening your eyes and NOTICING WHO IS IN YOUR ENVIRONMENT. That way you can make the most of every single day that you are out there in the big wide world. If you felt comfortable talking to almost anyone, you would meet a lot more people...people who might be the one, or more importantly, people who might know the one.

So how can you get more comfortable doing this. Start by making it a practice to say hi to people around you...just start with anyone and everyone...get comfortable just making contact and smiling. Then gradually move to making small talk while you wait in lines (giving someone a compliment always works, like the other day I told a woman "I love your shoes" and ended up having a pleasant exchange in the elevator where I usually keep to myself). Then graduate to approaching people you find attractive.

Will people be polite back...usually. Will you occasionally get the brush off? Yes. Will that kill you? No- it will toughen you up and allow you to pursue your dream: Finding The One.

Action Step: Start reaching out more to the people in your environment every single day. You'll feel less isolated, more connected, and most likely, will brighten up a few people's day. Then, if you meet someone interesting, that's a bonus!


Mating: Getting to YES!

Jump Start Your Woman's Desire with the

Three Keys to Connection

Part Two: Heart

Ever wonder where your woman's desire disappeared to? Well, it's an often forgotten fact that women NEED to feel connected BEFORE they become interested in sex. So, if you'd like to boost your women's libido- your job is to meet her needs for three types of connection: body, heart, and mind. She needs to feel connected with you on all three levels on a consistent basis before you'll find her "in the mood."

This week, we'll focus on the heart and next week we'll finish up with the body. In connecting with her heart, your woman want four things. She wants to:

1. Know how you feel about her: Say it often
Have you ever heard a woman say, "God, he tells me he loves me so much I want to throw up?" Perhaps you have because those woman exist, but they are only about 3% of the population. The rest of us rarely tire from hearing you tell us how you feel! Of course "I love you" is nice, but because it's used so often, it can lose it's power. So venture forth and try to be creative in telling her how you adore her, are smitten, have never loved anyone more, can't imagine your life without her, she's the most important thing in your world. You get the idea.

2. Feel cherished: Show your love
A lot of men are good at this, showing their love with actions...taking out the trash, bringing home the money, that's all good. But don't forget the romantic way of making women feel loved: all those mushy things: cards, flowers, candy, anything she likes that will tell her you've been thinking about her will work. You can also show your love by offering to help her with something she doesn’t like to do, or offering your assistance when you know she's late or tired or overwhelmed. Or even, just go do a project you've been promising for awhile now before she asks again! Surprise her with something you never do...the laundry?

3. Feel attractive- Compliment often with specifics
Lots of men are good at saying, "You are beautiful" or "You look great" at the beginning of the relationship. Then they forget and figure we already know that. But most women thrive on regular doses of reassurance of our attractiveness to you. And while we'll take the general statements (like those above)- you get extra special bonus points for being very specific with your compliments like, "Your eyes look so beautifully blue with that sweater on," or "Your hair looks fantastic tonight, I love what you did with it." or "That dress really makes your X look wonderful."

4. Feel appreciated- Almost nothing is too small for a Thank you
All women like for you to notice and then express appreciation for all the hard work they do, in life, at home, with the kids, at work, etc... Saying "Thank you for," "I really appreciated X," or "I'm grateful for Y," is almost a lost art form. And really, just about anything someone does can qualify for a thank you. Don't wait for the big things to thank her for...try to find as many things as you can to express your appreciation about.

Passion Perks Challenge: Work on connecting with your women's heart this week! Which of the four ways needs the most work? Challenge yourself to look for the small things and be specific. Always think about the things that would be most meaningful to her as an individual and implement them. Don't know which things would be most meaningful to her? ASK!

Next week: Getting to Yes- Connecting with the Body

Passion is important to the continued vitality of your relationship! That's why Dr. Jenn is available to come to your men's group (business, church, organization) to give a talk on Getting to Yes! Email for more info.


Relating: Learning From Children the Meaning of Love

What does Love mean? Sometimes children grasp the real meaning of love when adults have forgotten. What can we learn from asking the children? Apparently alot. See below for a reminder!

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

Rebecca- age 8: "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Billy - age 4: "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Chrissy - age 6: "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Terri - age 4: "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Danny - age 7: "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Bobby - age 7: "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Nikka - age 6:"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Tommy - age 6: "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Elaine-age 5: "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Chris - age 7: "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

Jessica - age 8: "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."*

Emily - age 8: "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."

Action Step: What have these children reminded you about love? What do you need to do to be more loving towards the people in your life?

Relation Tip: Try asking your children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews the same question!

After the honeymoon phase of a relationship, with kids, careers, and stress, women often lose touch with their inner vixen. Dr. Jenn is available to come speak to your women's group about reigniting your inner vixen! Learn how bringing out your passion can suddenly turn your man into Prince Charming: talking more, taking out the garbage, and putting the kids to bed! Email for more info!



Forming now:

New 4 week Finding the One Dating Support Groups

Dates: early April, Lakewood

Learn more: Group


*NEW* Monthly Singles Party in Fun Location

Integrated Alliances and Singlocity Host:
Singles Alliance Social

Monday, March 19, 2007, 5-7 pm
Purple Martini DTC, 8000 E. Belleview, Grnwd Vlg
Price: Free Admittance, Cash Bar
Learn more and RSVP at this link
: Singles Social


*NEW* Singles Resource

An online resource guide for Colorado Singles!Includes an event calendar (you can also sign up to receive it via email), referrals for area singles services, and tip of the week. Brought to you by Beth Anderson, of Cotton Wood Connection.

Learn more:

Singlocity will also be printing a hard cover version of their resources! Know any good businesses that serve singles that should be listed? Or maybe even your own business!? Contact Beth for more info: email


"Socializing for Professionals"

At the Glenmoor Country Club (singles 38 & over) will meet on the second Thursday of the month - March 8th, 2007, from 5:30 to 9:45.

Hosted by Marty Pickert. Call 303-649-9125 for more information, or email


The Soulmate Revolution 2007!

Are you serious about finding a life partner? Then join Coupling Connection and other like-minded singles in *NEW* fun, effective, and life changing programs designed to make 2007 the year you find your soulmate! Now is the time! The relationship you've been waiting for IS out there. Are you ready???

There's a program or service for every stage of dating and budget: Soulmate Revolution




Powerful Short Cuts To Connection

Staring January 2007, Coupling Connection is offering personalized, small group programs for couples who are ready to ignite their love and keep the passion alive. Focused on shortcuts to real connection for busy couples- get a group of your friends together and support each other in building a lifetime of love! More info coming soon!


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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