week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating
tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire
you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include
helpful information in these three categories:
- Dating - tips on finding and keeping the perfect
- Mating - take the Passion Perks challenge and
perk up your love life!
- Relating - tips on making your connection Extraordinary
Be sure to scroll down and
check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples!
We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings
you may find useful.
Does an article strike a chord
or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation
Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!
Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research
shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within
two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary
relationship, try something new today!
Jenn In the News X2!
Dr. Jenn appeared on Denver's
Channel 7 ABC morning news to talk about Dump Your Significant
Jerk Week and how her workshop can help singles finally break
free from the patterns of the past. See the video here: Dump
Your Significant Jerk Week
Or check out the article that
ran in the Longmont FYI newspaper about how her unique approach
to dating and relating can help singles and couples.
Read it: here
Join us for the above featured
workshop next up on Sunday March 18th, 2:30-5, Colorado Free
University. Enroll for
Soulmate or Stalemate? here.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained
When was the last time you walked up
to some random attractive stranger, say at a party, the grocery
store, bank, sporting event or while walking your dog? If
you are a guy, chances are you can remember the last time.
If you are a woman, you might not be able to. I know very
few people who enjoy starting this type of random introduction
or engage in it on a regular basis because it means taking
a risk. And most of us would rather bear the pain of being
ignored than take the risk of being rejected. At least if
we never say something, we can assume they never noticed us.
But, and this is a very big BUT, almost
every single I know complains that they can't meet anyone.
They try internet dating, singles events, etc...and no one
arrives. Ok, that stinks, what else can you do? Start opening
your eyes and NOTICING WHO IS IN YOUR ENVIRONMENT. That way
you can make the most of every single day that you are out
there in the big wide world. If you felt comfortable talking
to almost anyone, you would meet a lot more people...people
who might be the one, or more importantly, people who might
know the one.
So how can you get more comfortable
doing this. Start by making it a practice to say hi to people
around you...just start with anyone and everyone...get
comfortable just making contact and smiling. Then gradually
move to making small talk while you wait in lines (giving
someone a compliment always works, like the other day I told
a woman "I love your shoes" and ended up having
a pleasant exchange in the elevator where I usually keep to
myself). Then graduate to approaching people you find attractive.
Will people be polite back...usually.
Will you occasionally get the brush off? Yes. Will that kill
you? No- it will toughen you up and allow you to pursue your
dream: Finding The One.
Start reaching out more to the people in your environment
every single day. You'll feel less isolated, more connected,
and most likely, will brighten up a few people's day. Then,
if you meet someone interesting, that's a bonus!
Getting to YES!
Start Your Woman's Desire with the
Keys to Connection
Ever wonder where your woman's desire disappeared
to? Well, it's an often forgotten fact that women NEED to
feel connected BEFORE they become interested in sex. So, if
you'd like to boost your women's libido- your job is to meet
her needs for three types of connection: body, heart, and
mind. She needs to feel connected with you on all
three levels on a consistent
basis before you'll find her "in the mood."
This week, we'll focus on the heart and next week
we'll finish up with the body. In connecting with her heart,
your woman want four things. She wants to:
1. Know how you feel about
her: Say it often
Have you ever heard a woman say, "God, he tells me he
loves me so much I want to throw up?" Perhaps you have
because those woman exist, but they are only about 3% of the
population. The rest of us rarely tire from hearing you tell
us how you feel! Of course "I love you" is nice,
but because it's used so often, it can lose it's power. So
venture forth and try to be creative in telling her how you
feel...you adore her, are smitten, have never loved anyone
more, can't imagine your life without her, she's the most
important thing in your world. You get the idea.
2. Feel cherished: Show your
A lot of men are good at this, showing their love with actions...taking
out the trash, bringing home the money, that's all good. But
don't forget the romantic way of making women feel loved:
all those mushy things: cards, flowers, candy, anything she
likes that will tell her you've been thinking about her will
work. You can also show your love by offering to help her
with something she doesn’t like to do, or offering your
assistance when you know she's late or tired or overwhelmed.
Or even, just go do a project you've been promising for awhile
now before she asks again! Surprise her with something you
never do...the laundry?
3. Feel attractive- Compliment
often with specifics
Lots of men are good at saying, "You are beautiful"
or "You look great" at the beginning of the relationship.
Then they forget and figure we already know that. But most
women thrive on regular doses of reassurance of our attractiveness
to you. And while we'll take the general statements (like
those above)- you get extra special bonus points for being
very specific with your compliments like, "Your eyes
look so beautifully blue with that sweater on," or "Your
hair looks fantastic tonight, I love what you did with it."
or "That dress really makes your X look wonderful."
4. Feel appreciated- Almost
nothing is too small for a Thank you
All women like for you to notice and then express appreciation
for all the hard work they do, in life, at home, with the
kids, at work, etc... Saying "Thank you for," "I
really appreciated X," or "I'm grateful for Y,"
is almost a lost art form. And really, just about anything
someone does can qualify for a thank you. Don't wait for the
big things to thank her for...try to find as many things as
you can to express your appreciation about.
Passion Perks Challenge: Work
on connecting with your women's heart this week! Which of
the four ways needs the most work? Challenge yourself to look
for the small things and be specific. Always think about the
things that would be most meaningful to her as an individual
and implement them. Don't know which things would be most
meaningful to her? ASK!
Next week: Getting
to Yes- Connecting with the Body
Passion is important
to the continued vitality of your relationship! That's why
Dr. Jenn is available to come to your men's group (business,
church, organization) to give a talk on Getting to Yes! Email
for more info.
Learning From Children the Meaning of Love
What does Love mean? Sometimes children grasp the
real meaning of love when adults have forgotten. What can
we learn from asking the children? Apparently alot. See below
for a reminder!
A group of professional people posed this question
to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could
Rebecca- age 8: "When my grandmother got arthritis,
she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So
my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his
hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Billy - age 4: "When someone loves you, the
way they say your name is different. You just know that your
name is safe in their mouth."
Chrissy - age 6: "Love is when you go out to
eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making
them give you any of theirs."
Terri - age 4: "Love is what makes you smile
when you're tired."
Danny - age 7: "Love is when my mommy makes
coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to
him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Bobby - age 7: "Love is what's in the room with
you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Nikka - age 6:"If you want to learn to love
better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Tommy - age 6: "Love is like a little old woman
and a little old man who are still friends even after they
know each other so well."
Elaine-age 5: "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy
the best piece of chicken."
Chris - age 7: "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy
smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert
Jessica - age 8: "You really shouldn't say 'I
love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should
say it a lot. People forget."*
Emily - age 8: "Love is when you kiss all the
time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to
be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like
that. They look gross when they kiss."
Action Step: What have these
children reminded you about love? What do you need to do to
be more loving towards the people in your life?
Relation Tip: Try asking
your children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews the same
After the honeymoon phase of
a relationship, with kids, careers, and stress, women often
lose touch with their inner vixen. Dr. Jenn is available to
come speak to your women's group about reigniting your inner
vixen! Learn how bringing out your passion can suddenly turn
your man into Prince Charming: talking more, taking out the
garbage, and putting the kids to bed! Email
for more info!
4 week Finding the One Dating Support Groups
early April, Lakewood
Learn more: Group
Monthly Singles Party in Fun Location
Alliances and Singlocity Host:
Singles Alliance Social
Monday, March 19, 2007, 5-7 pm
Purple Martini DTC, 8000 E. Belleview, Grnwd Vlg
Price: Free Admittance, Cash Bar
Learn more and RSVP at this link: Singles
An online resource guide for Colorado
Singles!Includes an event calendar (you can
also sign up to receive it via email), referrals for area
singles services, and tip of the week. Brought to you by Beth
Anderson, of Cotton Wood Connection.
Learn more: www.singleocity.com
Singlocity will also be printing a
hard cover version of their resources! Know any good businesses
that serve singles that should be listed? Or maybe even your
own business!? Contact Beth for more info: email
At the Glenmoor Country Club (singles
38 & over) will meet on the second Thursday of the month
- March 8th, 2007, from 5:30 to 9:45.
Hosted by Marty Pickert. Call 303-649-9125 for more
information, or email firstname.lastname@example.org. www.martypickert.com
Soulmate Revolution 2007!
you serious about finding a life partner? Then join Coupling
Connection and other like-minded singles in *NEW* fun, effective,
and life changing programs designed to make 2007 the year
you find your soulmate! Now is the time! The relationship
you've been waiting for IS out
there. Are you ready???
a program or service for every stage of dating and budget:
Short Cuts To Connection
Staring January 2007, Coupling Connection
is offering personalized, small group programs for couples
who are ready to ignite their love and keep the passion alive.
Focused on shortcuts to real connection for busy couples-
get a group of your friends together and support each other
in building a lifetime of love! More info coming soon!
* Have you tried a tip or tool
from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about
it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve
your connection? Or no?
Email us! *
Do you have a
topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed
in an upcoming newsletter? Email
Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts?
Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!
May your relationships bring you the happiness you
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
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