of the Week
Are You a Desperate Dater?
My friend Mary Jo Fay, the
local author of the new book, The Seven
Secrets of Love, knows a thing or two about desperate
You don't want to
be a desperate dater because people who are desperate never
end up with the relationship they deserve!
Take the below quiz, excerpted
from her book, to see if you are too desperate for your own
1. Do others consider you the caretaker type?
2. Does it feel like you’re always putting
your partner’s needs first?
3. Are you willing to invest more than a couple of
months in a relationship where you don’t feel a special
connection to your mate?
4. Do you make excuses for your partner’s behaviors?
(Not calling when he says he will? Being chronically late?
Drunkenness? Harsh words?)
5. Do you do whatever you can not to “rock
the boat” in your relationships?
6. Do you compromise more than your mate in decision
7. Do you feel less smart, less able, or less important
than your mate?
8. Do you ever wonder if your partner is lying to
you about other women in his life, his whereabouts, his job,
9. Do you choose your dates based on their financial
10. Do you ever distrust your partner?
11. Has it been so long since you’ve been in
a relationship that you’ll do almost anything to get
12. Do you ever fear that if your partner leaves
you may not find another one?
13. Have you given up things that are important in
your life as they simply don’t fit with your mate? (i.e.
dancing, sports, social events, time with your friends, etc.)
14. Do you ever feel uneasy around your partner?
Even if you can’t put your finger on why?
15. Have you ever caught your partner in a lie?
16. Has your partner ever called you names?
17. Has your partner ever harmed you in some way
(physically, emotionally, verbally, and/or sexually)?
18. Do you expect that love means your partner should
be able to read your mind?
19. Does your mate claim his love for you but then
does things to the contrary?
20. Are you staying in a relationship that you know
is unhealthy for you?
21. Do you have children involved who may be being
affected by an unhealthy partner as well?
22. Are you the one always apologizing for all that
is wrong in your relationships?
23. Does your mate apologize but the apology always
comes with a “but?” (“I’m sorry I
yelled, but if you hadn’t gotten me mad first, I wouldn’t
have had to say that, do that, treat you like that.”)
24. Do you keep staying in a relationship where no
one claims their love for each other?
25. Do you jump into bed with a new potential partner
before you really know him well, worrying that if you don’t,
he may find someone else?
Add up your “yes” answers and find out
if you’re a Desperate Dater…
0-5 While you’re clearly not a Desperate Dater,
you may have some slight tendencies to not be loving and caring
for yourself as much as you probably should be. Ask yourself
why you don’t deserve better? Then remind yourself that
you have value and that you deserve to be happy!
5 – 10 You’re beginning to show a clear
behavior path that indicates you don’t feel as important
as those around you. This is the first step to accepting bad
behaviors from others… and falling victim to any old
relationship that might come along.
10 – 15 You’ve probably had some crummy
relationships before and wonder what it is you keep doing
that leaves your relationships in ruins. You’re becoming
desperate for love and not recognizing when others are taking
advantage of you. And you generally lose yourself to any relationship
15 and up Yep. I’m sad to report that you are
a Desperate Dater. You don’t feel complete if you don’t
have someone validating you through a relationship –
any relationship! Until you learn to value yourself first
and foremost, your relationships will be frustrating, emotional
roller coasters that leave you in a heap and wondering how
you got there!
Mary Jo suggests that you remember - you must love yourself
first, before you can ever love anyone else in a healthy way.
So put yourself in the "I love and value me" mode
and never let anyone else determine your value for you. It's
the best way to stay true to yourself and your emotional health
... as well as to find an emotionally healthy partner as well!
Want to learn more about the Seven Secrets of Love?
Get the book here.
Are you a desperate dater?
Don't wait for another bad relationship to happen! Dating
coaching can help you break the pattern and create the healthy,
balanced and loving relationship you deserve.
Email me for more info and get started on your healing
journey toward love!
Miss The Biggest, Fanciest
Event of the Year!
Harvest Moon Ball
Saturday, October 13th , 7:00 p.m. - 12:30 a.m.
Denver Marriott City Center, corner of 18th & California
Tickets in advance are $60 or $70 at the door.
The largest event of the year, come
mingle with up to 800 singles dressed to the nines and ready
for fun and romance.
More info: Harvest
us for Savvy Singles Book Club
with local writer Christie Hartman,
author of Dating the Divorced Man
Learn how to tell
if a divorced person is ready to date and to decide
if dating a divorced person is right for you!
Learn more: http://bookclub.meetup.com/537/
An online resource guide for Colorado
Singles!Includes an event calendar (you can also sign up to
receive it via email), referrals for area singles services,
and tip of the week. Brought to you by Beth Anderson, of Cotton
Learn more: www.singlocity.com
Singlocity will also be printing a
hard cover version of their resources! Know any good businesses
that serve singles that should be listed? Or maybe even your
own business!? Contact Beth for more info: email
Do you have a topic, idea,
question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming
Know someone who could use
a little RelationSmarts?
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May your relationships bring you the happiness you
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
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