Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

January 9th, 2007

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I hope all of you have decided to make 2007 the year you fill your life with love. Whether that means finding your soulmate, or reinvigorating your current long term partnership, Relation Smarts is here to help you do just that! So take the challenge and accept nothing less than the love you deserve!

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating - tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating - take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating - tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


The Soulmate Revolution 2007!

Are you serious about finding a life partner? Then join Coupling Connection and other like-minded singles in *NEW* fun, effective, and transformative programs designed to make 2007 the year you find your soulmate! Now is the time! The relationship you've been waiting for IS out there. Are you ready???

There's a program or service for every stage of dating and budget:


Dating: Transformative Tree of Love

As the New Year is upon us, it’s the perfect time to take stock of the past, clear the cobwebs, and make space for the perfect partner to arrive in your life.

To help you accomplish this, I’m going to share with you an analogy that I recently learned about. I call it the Tree of Love and it’s made up of partners who are either leaves, branches, or trunks. You see, when we review our love lives, it becomes clear that the cast of characters that have paraded through are one of these types.

Leaves are temporary partners who came for a season. They arrived with a lesson and once it was learned, they departed. Like leaves falling from the tree, these partners were never meant to last. They served a purpose- helping shape us into the person we are today. They may have provided shade or nourishment for a time, but they were never designed to be sturdy, reliable, or permanent parts of the tree.

And notice that the trees never lament the dropping of the leaves. They gracefully let them go, thanking them for the time they spent together, knowing full well that new leaves will arrive when the time is right.

Then there are the branches- stronger than leaves, and a more substantial part of the tree- yet still never meant to support your full weight. These partners play a more meaningful role in your life, perhaps staying longer and imparting more lessons that shape your essential self. But even branches can never play the part of the trunk and their time passes as well.

Finally are the trunks- the main body of the tree, with deep, strong roots that can withstand storms and long droughts. Each of us will only be blessed with a small handful of trunks in our entire lifetime. These partners are worthy of building your life around. The commitment, love, respect, communication, and trust you share are enough to sustain you and fulfill you over the long haul.

The problem comes when we confuse leaves and branches for trunks, which we do with startlingly regularity. But as we are dating, we would do well to picture a tree and remember the facts: MOST of what we see when we look at a tree are the leaves, supoprted by a FEW branches, attached to only ONE trunk. This means that the vast majority of people that come into your life will be leaves. And that’s ok. That’s great really. Because this is what nature intends. You need to fill your tree with all those leaves (lessons) of wisdom before you’ll be ready to grow a strong trunk.

So, every time a budding relationship ends, it is helpful to remember that “everything is as it should be.” After all, 99% of the time, it is meant to end. Only once or twice will it be a partner worthy of a lifetime commitment.

Action Step: Don’t confuse leaves and branches with trunks. Learn to differentiate them and learn to mourn their leaving accordingly and gracefully.
As the year begins, use this time to do some mental clearing. Go through your entire relationship history and classify your partners (leaf, branch, trunk), clarify your roles, and their lessons. Thank them for making you who you are today.
Integrate this type of classification into your Gratitude Lesson book which we discussed in the previous newsletter.

Relation Tip: Serious about making room to attract The One? Then join us on Tuesday January 30th at 7:30. During this FREE Date Smart call I'll be leading a powerful visualization exercise based on the Tree of Love. Feel what it can be like when you shed your baggage and truly become open to finding the perfect partner! Learn more:


Mating: Spicy Positions

It's the new year- so it's time to try some new positions. It's way too easy to get stuck doing the same old thing, in the same old place. But blah and boring won't bring out the spice in you.

Passion Perks Challenge: Run out and grab the January edition of Cosmopolitan magazine- they have an article with lots of ideas to inspire you. They've done the dirty work for you, now you can just have fun!


Relating: Powerful Celebrations

Ever come home really excited about something you accomplished that day, only to have your partner give it a barely noticeable ho-hum? Took the wind right out of your sails didn't it? That's because celebrating together is a powerful way to connect. Not only does it strengthen your bond, but having your partner recognize and acknowledge your success also boosts your sense of self. It feels great to have our partner mirror back to us how worthy we are!

In fact, new research shows that how we celebrate together is even more important than how we handle troubles! A study found that how your partner reacts to your victories, both small and large, was the strongest predictor of the strength of the relationship.

Action Step: Realize that your response to your partner's positive news has a very powerful impact. Be sure to offer your full attention and heartfelt support and praise when your partner shares the "wins" in life.

Relation Tip: Have something great to share? To be sure you get the reaction you need, pick a good time when your partner isn't tired, distracted, or down himself. Then, if needed, preface it by stating what you'd like, "Harry, I'm so excited about today. I want to celebrate it with you. At work..."


NEWS: For Singles

"Socializing for Professionals"

At the Glenmoor Country Club (singles 38 & over) will meet on the second Thursday of the month - January 11, February 8, and March 8th, 2007, from 5:30 to 9:45.

$15.00 at the door (cash,check) includes DJ dancing, hors d'oeuvres, networking table, door prizes, free parking (car-pooling a plus), business/dressy attire, a coat or tie for the gentlemen, (NO JEANS allowed at the Club), plus a cash bar ($5.00 well and well).

Hosted by Marty Pickert of Call 303-649-9125 for more information, or email


News: For Couples

Powerful Short Cuts To Connection

Staring January 2007, Coupling Connection is offering personalized, small group programs for couples who are ready to ignite their love and keep the passion alive. Focused on shortcuts to real connection for busy couples- get a group of your friends together and support each other in building a lifetime of love! More info coming soon!


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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