Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

January 29th, 2007

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship


I hope all of you have decided to make 2007 the year you fill your life with love. Whether that means finding your soulmate, or reinvigorating your current long term partnership, Relation Smarts is here to help you do just that! So take the challenge and accept nothing less than the love you deserve!

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating - tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating - take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating - tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


*Don't Miss This Month's FREE Date Smart Coaching Call*

Join us Tomorrow, Tuesday Jan 30th, 7:30 pm for the Transformative Tree of Love Exercise!

Let go of the past, prepare for the future, attract your perfect partner!! Feel what it can be like when you shed your baggage and truly become open to finding your soulmate!

Learn more here. To participate at 7:30 pm Mountain time, call: 712-580-6300, access code, 597680#


Perfect Preparation for 12th annual

National "Dump Your Significant Jerk" Week!

Keep getting stuck in dead-end relationships? Know you deserve more, but keep winding up with less? Learn what's keeping you stuck and the secrets to breaking the patterns to find real love. Join us Feb 5th at Colorado Free University for

Soulmate or Stalemate?:6 Keys To Finding Your Perfect Partner- CFU info


Dating: Importance of Intention

I know, I know. You are sick of hearing about the tired old new year's resolution....those ones for finding more health, happiness, skinniness, and love this year. But here's the thing. Without a clear intention, with concrete steps to reach your goal....finding a soulmate is about as likely to happen as losing that 15 pounds you promised again. think you shouldn't have to WORK at finding love, that love should find you. And believe me, it's my wish for every one of you that the perfect partner would fall from the sky and you'd live happily ever after.

Actually- that ALMOST happened to me. I moved to colorado. After a month I joined, after a mere few weeks, I met Greg and bam...the rest of it all fell into place. Prince falling from the sky....hardly ever happens. But that's only if you don't count the previous 2 years worth of dates in New York complete with 6 failed romances, on top of the prior 5 years of coupled disaster, and the 4 year dead end relationship before that! Ok, on second thought, my perfect prince did not fall from the sky...I had a long, arduous journey on my way to him. AND, the final step to finding him...was an action I took (joining toward a clearly defined goal (finding true love), with a very specific outcome in mind- a healthy, happy, lasting relationship with a fantastic partner.

And it was only possible because 1) I knew what I wanted, 2) I had the courage to go in search of it, 3) I persisted in the face of repeated failure, and 4) I had learned the necessary lessons along the way to be ready to have the mature love I had envisioned.

So, you can HOPE to find your true love in the frozen food aisle, OR you can make a commitment to give yourself the gift you deserve: a healthy, loving relationship with a partner who adores you.

Action Step: If you are seriously ready to build the love you deserve, the very first step is to commit yourself to a firm intention. Using whatever words ring deeply true in you, create an intention about finding true love. Something like: Within a year, I will meet a fabulous partner and create a beautiful life filled with love. Or whatever works for you.

Relation Tip: Now, to make this intention memorable and more powerful, take the next step. On your computer, make a page with your statement, then find a poignant picture to incorporate (this step is can find loads of free images on Microsoft clip art online), print up several copies, and post around your house, office, etc. This will help keep your intention on your mind, PLUS, it will help your unconscious work on it for you too.

Relation Tip: If you really want to be successful, tell everyone about your intention. Putting it out there makes it more likely that you will follow through. But for this step to be really effective- you need to pick an accountability buddy- someone who you will share your weekly plans with who will hold you accountable to what you said you'd do. Or better yet- make this buddy another single person and follow through on your actions together...both join internet dating site, go to singles events together, etc. Having a *positive* buddy will keep you on track when the going gets tough.

Relation Tip: You and a single friend really ready to make your intention a reality? Check out the Soulmate Revolution's exciting 9 session Buddy Coaching system, Soulmate Solutions. Don't have a single friend to join you? Check out the six session Soulmate Success Package.


Mating: Be a Tease Please

Nothing makes sex more boring than the same old routine. And few things are more arousing than playing with who's in control. It's erotic for both partners when one person is in control while the other partner lays back and enjoys the ride. So, this month, try taking turns swapping roles. It's easiest to do when one partner lightly ties the other's hands up so that they can't cheat! Then the partner who's in control gets to slowly tease the other person in whatever manner feels good (but please respect each other's bounds). The combination of not being in control and being teased makes for especially intense climaxes. And the person in control often experiences heightened arousal as well. Win win situation!

Passion Perks Challenge: Give it a try in both roles!!


Relating: Valentine's Day Surprise, Part One: For Men

A recent Women's Day magazine survey showed that the majority of women would prefer to get a love letter this valentine's day- even over flowers, jewelry, chocolates, or dinner. In response to this, a Denver radio DJ thought that women were totally lying- that they couldn't possibly prefer men to put pen to paper over opening up a fancy jewelry box. But I believe it. Why? Because what's most important to many women is knowing how deeply loved and cherished they are...and many women complain that they don't feel that way enough. Think about it....your wife is lying on her death bed...what is she thinking, "Wow- that diamond necklace and earring set he gave me for Valentine's day in 2007 was so beautiful" or "I can still remember that love letter he wrote to me...just one of the many ways I felt so loved all my life." No contest here for most women: it's your open expression of your loving thoughts and emotions that rule the day.

Action Step: So men, get out your pen and paper and start writing. Want a special touch- go buy some pretty paper to put it on. And do hand write your printed isn't nearly as personal or touching.

Relation Tip: Not sure what to write? Be specific. Examples of the things you love about her are more meaningful than vague platitudes. Thank her for the things she does that make you happy. Let her know the times you thought she looked beautiful. Talk about memories of events or examples when you felt your love very strongly...try to fill in the details...where were you, what was going on, what did she wear, what did she do that touched you...why as she the best choice you've ever made? Need more help? Email me a draft of your note for suggestions!

Next edition: The Best Valentine's day gift for the man in your life!



The Soulmate Revolution 2007!

Are you serious about finding a life partner? Then join Coupling Connection and other like-minded singles in *NEW* fun, effective, and life changing programs designed to make 2007 the year you find your soulmate! Now is the time! The relationship you've been waiting for IS out there. Are you ready???

There's a program or service for every stage of dating and budget: Soulmate Revolution


"Socializing for Professionals"

At the Glenmoor Country Club (singles 38 & over) will meet on the second Thursday of the month - February 8, and March 8th, 2007, from 5:30 to 9:45.

Hosted by Marty Pickert of Call 303-649-9125 for more information, or email


Denver Valentine Treasure Hunt- Singles Edition

Don't have a date for Valentine's Day? No problem! Do something cool and unusual AND meet other singles while you have fun! Learn more here: Singles Treasure Hunt




Power Up Your Valentine's Day

Imago is one of the most powerful couples workshops and therapies ever! And their institute plans special V-day celebrations all over the country to help you connect more powerfully with your partner this year. Inexpensive, fun, and short so you can still have your romantic evening. Find a "Keep It Real" event near you:


Connect Without Words

Check out this new book by two of the field's biggest players, Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It:


Featured in Feb edition of Oprah magazine!


Powerful Short Cuts To Connection

Staring January 2007, Coupling Connection is offering personalized, small group programs for couples who are ready to ignite their love and keep the passion alive. Focused on shortcuts to real connection for busy couples- get a group of your friends together and support each other in building a lifetime of love! More info coming soon!


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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