Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

September 11, 2006

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship
 

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating – tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating – tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

SINGLES! Lots of new exciting opportunities for upcoming programs and events! Don't Miss out!! See below for details...

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!

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Join us TONIGHT! Co-Ed Savvy Singles Book Club!

6:30pm, at Peaberry Coffee, I-25 and Colorado

Topic:Why You are Still Single

You don't even need to read the book!

To join or learn more visit: Sassy Singles Book Club.

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Dating:

Sliding Versus Deciding: A Dating Time Line

Here's reality: The longer you date Mr./Ms. Wrong the farther away you will be from Mr./Ms. Right. There is NO way around this. This means that if you keep dating that Jerk(ette) you have ZERO chance of landing your perfect partner.

One of the biggest dating mistakes people make is staying too long in relationships that are clearly heading nowhere. Most of us get involved with someone new and just keep sliding forward in the relationship, without making conscious decisions. To avoid this, you have to get smart about choosing your future, always keeping in mind this question, "Is this the right person for me to spend a lifetime with?" When the answer is no, you've got to be prepared to move on. To help you minimize wasted time, effort, and emotion, I suggest the following dating timeline (for a typical dating scenario).

By One Month: Is this a person you think has enough potential that you want to explore them exclusively? If yes, date only each other for awhile. If no, move on.

By Three Months: Does this person have enough compatibility with me that I can see a long term future with them? If yes, date for three more months. If no, move on.

By Six Months: Would spending my lifetime with this person make me happy? If so, give it six more months and reassess. If no, move on.

By regularly reviewing the status of your relationship and it's fit for your future, you can avoid wasting too much time. The goal for all of my clients is for them to get better and better at being able to tell when it's time to walk away. Because every moment spent with a Frog is more time away from your Prince/ss!

Action Step: Don't slide into your next relationship, consciously decide every step of the way by continuously asking the question: Is this the person for ME?

Having trouble deciding if your partner is the right one for you? Coupling Connection can help! Email for more info.

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Mating:

Familiarity Breeds...Desire?

I wish!

We spend a lot of time talking about how lack of closeness and connection demotes desire over the long haul. But the opposite- being too comfy and cozy- can be equally problematic. Everyone knows at least one couple who has remained best friends, but somehow forgot to stay lovers. That's because familiarity breeds comfort and security, but does little to keep us tingling.

So what's the trick to regaining some of that excitement with your cuddle buddy? Seeing your partner with fresh eyes. Realize that no matter how long two people are together there are always different aspects to explore about each other.

Some ideas to shed some new light on your partner and turn up your desire:

- Go watch your partner in action doing "their thing." Check them out during something you don't normally see them doing, whether it's a hobby, sport, or role (giving a speech to a group, coaching your son's tea, etc).

- Have date night with a group of people and enjoy watching your partner interact with others

- Do a totally new activity together. One that neither of you has tried before.

- Get a book of questions to help you pick each other's brains on new topics.

Passion Perks Challenge: This week, find a way to see your partner through a new set of eyes.

Relation Tip: To learn more ideas about this topic check out the book Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel

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Relating: "It's Not That Hard!"

As most of you know, I spend a lot of time thinking about what makes some relationships great while others are just mediocre. Here's one difference. After my boyfriend and I had been dating a while, I was continually amazed at how well he treated me so I asked him, "How is it that you got to be so great?!" He said something incredibly simple, "It's not that hard. I just listen to you. And then I do the things that you say make you happy." What a concept!

Here's an example. Very early on in our courtship, the topic meandered over to fabric softener. I remarked about how I love the smell of Downey, but still recovering from my poor college student days, I saw it as a luxury I couldn't afford. A few days later, a jug of Downey arrived as a small token of his affection. Just a $3 bottle of fabric softener- and it brought tears to my eyes! Right then, I knew he was a keeper. Why? Because he listens, and through his thoughtful actions, he shows his loving, caring concern for me and my needs. And often, that's all it takes folks- a bottle of Downey, a pint of your partner's favorite ice cream, a call after an important meeting, a little "thinking of you" email.

It's the small things that keep love blossoming.

Action Step: What small action, word, gesture, or gift could you give this week to show your loved one that you listen to them and that their needs matter to you?

Relation Question: What's keeping you from listening and doing the simple things for your partner? Resentment, laziness, selfishness, backward priorities? If you need assistance clearing these obstacles, Coupling Connection can help!

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NEWS: For Singles

The Match.com Mess Up

Not getting the response you were hoping for on Match.com? A reader recently brought to my attention a problem with the way Match operates. Apparently, Match.com will only deliver emails to people who are paying members. Now here's the twist, since anyone can have a profile up (without being a paying member), you never know if the person you just wrote to will even get your email. So when they don't reply- you'll don't know if it is because they aren't interested, or because they never got your email since they aren't a paying member! That is a deceptive practice that is not in the best interest of any member. The only way to change such practices is to let Match.com know that you won't tolerate such policies. The more angry members Match.com hears from, the better chance they will change.

So make your voice heard!

CONTACT: Ms. Jennifer Atkins
ADDRESS: P O Box 25304
Dallas, TX 75225
PHONE: 214 576-3236
FAX: 214 576-9470
Website: www.match.com

Another avenue to attempt change is through the Dallas Better Business Bureau. Here is the contact: leestallings@dallas.bbb.org.

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Join us for *FREE* Date Smart! Keys to Dating Smarter, Not Harder

The September topic:

Finding the Needle In a Haystack- Using the Most Underutilized Key For Meeting The One

Monday Sept 25th, 7:30pm, Mountain Time, (9:30 pm eastern)

Learn more here: Date Smart

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**New In-Person Workshop**

Finding Love Along the Broken Road:

A Revolutionary New Approach to Dating

Thursday October 19th, 6:30-9:30

Single again? Feeling like you’ll never find love? Frustration and discouragement are high on the list of single’s complaints. Come learn a revolutionary approach to dating that will end your frustration, making your dating journey into a successful adventure! Plus, discover the three keys to avoiding the biggest dating mistakes that stand between you and finding The One.

If you are serious about creating the loving relationship you deserve, this is information you cannot afford to miss!

Cost of workshop: $15 per workshop for Cottonwood members, $20 per workshop for non-members.
Location: Cottonwood Connection Office, 355 S. Teller St., Ste. #200 Lakewood, CO 80226, 303 424-2300, www.cottonwoodconnection.com

Email for more info!

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* NEW Date* Coupling Connection Teleclass!!

Crafting the STAND OUT Internet Dating Profile:

Getting the Attention You Deserve

Tuesday October 24th,

7-8:15pm Mountain time

New to Internet dating and not sure how to get started? Been using Internet dating but not getting the response you deserve? Join us for a look at the most common profile mistakes and learn how to craft a profile that will get you noticed!

Ah, the power of words...with the right ones, you open up a world of possibilities and draw interesting, attractive prospects. With the wrong ones, you'll send people running for the hills even if you are Ms./Ms Wonderful. Or worse yet, you'll be attracting the wrong type of responses. This class will review plenty of real life examples of stand out profiles as well as red flag alerts. Don't fall prey to profile mistakes!

Bonuses! All participants receive a handout to help you get started writing a terrific profile. In addition, all who attend get a FREE Red Flag Profile assessment- make sure your profile doesn't contain any of the lethal errors! All participants are also entitled to a 15% discount on future profile editing or creation services!

Introductory Cost: $15, payable by check or credit card on Pay Pal

Email for more info or to register!

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My New Singles University Workshop Dates!

Singles University has gone national! They now offer classes in web cast and teleclass formats for added convenience!! Learn all you need to know to create the love you deserve without ever leaving home!

See Singles U website for the latest dates for the following workshops:

9/18 and 9/20 - How to Avoid Dating and Marrying a Jerk(ette) Part 1 and 2

10/16 - Attraction Traps: Reclaiming Your Love Life From the Patterns of the Past

10/2- Sensational Singles: How to Maximize Your Happiness and Create the Life That You Desire

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This WEEK! "Socializing for Professionals"

Party and networking event for singles is being held at the elegant Glenmoor Country Club from 5:30 to 9:45 on the following dates:

The second Thursday in September and October (September 14, & October 12.)

$15.00 at the door, more info here: Parties by Marty

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News: For Couples

Boot Camp for Couples

Stop Walking on Eggshells! Turn Resentment, Anger, or Emotional Abuse into
A Compassionate, Loving Relationship

Maybe you've seen Dr. Stephen Stosney on Oprah talking about how to turn angry relationships into loving ones. He's really onto something. Learn more about his powerful workshops that he likens to boot camp for relationships. OR attend a FREE teleclass TOMORROW nite (it will be recorded so you can listen for a week!)

Learn more here: CompassionPower.com

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*NEW* Couples Inventory: Bulletproof Your Love

Whether or not your relationship is currently in trouble, it can help to identify your love's strengths and weaknesses. Doing this can prevent trouble down the road by addressing small issues before they become large. Or if things are less than ideal now, it can help you tackle the big problems so you can bring passion, romance, and connection back into your life.

Cost: $75 per couple, $60 during the Summer Sizzle Special! $60 for Individual, $45 during Special.

Email for more info.

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* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.

www.couplingconnection.com

720-284-8502

coupling@couplingconnection.com

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