week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating
tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire
you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include
helpful information in these three categories:
- Dating – tips on finding and keeping the
- Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge
and perk up your love life!
- Relating – tips on making your connection
Be sure to scroll down and
check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples!
We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings
you may find useful.
SINGLES! Lots of new exciting
opportunities for upcoming programs and events! Don't Miss
out!! See below for details...
Does an article strike a chord
or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation
Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!
Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research
shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within
two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary
relationship, try something new today!
Join us TONIGHT for *FREE* Coaching Call *
Smart! Keys to Dating Smarter, Not Harder
Three Dumbest Mistakes Even Smart Daters Make
August 28th, 7pm, Mountain Time (9 pm eastern)
RSVP by Email
requested, but not required.
To participate, at 7pm tonight call:
Participant Access Code: 356899#
Ups: Pain or Suffering? It’s your Choice!
The Power of Accepting the Unacceptable
Breakups are known for the painful suffering involved.
Of course there is going to be pain, there has been a loss
that needs to be grieved. But most of us aggravate this pain
and turn it into true suffering by failing to accept reality
100%. Think about how many hours our minds spend going over
and over the if only's, it shoulda been’s,
and it coulda been’s. This keeps us holding onto
some reality that just isn’t true (and sends some of
us back to try again!). But- you won't be able to move on
until you fully accept the ONLY fact that matters: Your ex
isn't The One and never will be The One because they didn't
chose you. Period. Why would you want someone who isn't choosing
you?- even if EVERYTHING else is PERFECT- that one fact ALONE-
is the deal breaker.
Here’s an example. Recently I had to shop for
horses again- and I hate it. It’s like going back to
online dating- really! I had been searching for a few weeks
and I thought I had found The One. Next, I had the horse vetted-
and it failed. Not only a little failure- but the horse was
obviously lame. So I had to move on. But over the next month,
I had such a hard time finding another prospect that I kept
lamenting, "I wish she had passed the vetting, she was
so The One. She was SO what I was looking for. We'd be having
so much fun by now, etc". And it was my boyfriend who
kept thankfully bringing me back to reality with "Yeah,
but she was LAME- SO WHO CARES IF SHE WAS PERFECT IN EVERY
It's the same for breakups- your ex may have been close to
perfect in every other way- EXCEPT the thing that matters
most: they don’t want to be with you. That's the deal
breaker, my friend. And nothing else matters.
Action Step: The next
time you break up, stop torturing yourself with all that was
good about the relationship, and every time your brain goes
down that road- say to yourself "Stop!
Obviously, they aren’t The One. And when I do find The
One- they are going to be EVEN better!" Focus
on repeating this fact to yourself and accepting reality rather
than the thoughts of how it could've been. Of course, this
is much easier said than done- but the more you do it, the
faster you’ll be able to let go, move on, and really
find The One.
Get a close friend to play the part
of my boyfriend in the above story. Have them tell you stop
every time you start up about "It coulda been..."
Use the relation strategy from last
week: Make a list of all of the reasons that your ex really
wasn't the perfect partner for you and focus on those things
when your mind starts to do the "what if..."
Having a hard time letting
go? Creating more suffering than needed? Coupling Connection
Email for more info.
*Singles* Also check out the
News For Singles section in this issue (below) for another
Ho Hum or Yee Haw?
As we all know, keeping the passion alive in a long
term relationship can be tough. The key is to keep it fresh.
One helpful tool to keep in your passion tool box are games.
Sure! Board games- there are tons of sexy games on the market
today whose sole goal is to help you put the heat back into
your bedroom. When you are too tired to be creative or you're
simply out of ideas- pull out a game and let it do the hard
work for you!
Passion Perks Challenge:
Shop online or at your local sexy store for a game to steam
up this week!
Problems, Part Two: The Healing Power of Humor
Last time we discussed Perpetual Problems, those
irksome conflicts that just won't seem to go away. As noted,
the key to coping is to create a dialogue around the issue
that doesn't cause more negative emotions. One helpful way
to take the fire out of an issue is the use of humor, this
is especially helpful with problems that are going
to be sticking around.
Here's an example. My boyfriend mumbles. Plain and
simple. I can't hear him half the time. This can be frustrating
for me. At the beginning of our relationship I used to try
what seemed like innocuous statements to me: "Huh?",
"WHAT?", and "Your mumbling AGAIN." As
I discovered, this last one was definitely not the one to
use. As it turns out, my boyfriend is sensitive to this issue
because his father used to always yell at him about not being
able to hear him (of course, why he didn't just learn to speak
more loudly I'll never know! :)) So, although this seems like
a minor issue- it's a hot spot. And it doesn't go away- he's
soft spoken and he's staying that way.
So, what's a girl to do? Buy a hearing aid? Attach
a permanent microphone to his lapel? Good ideas, but impractical.
And I can't just ignore it- after all, I can't hear him! Well,
since I don't want this perpetual issue to slowly chip away
at our positive feelings for one another- I turned to humor.
One day when I had no idea what he just mumbled, I simply
said, "You must be speaking to that Sprite on your shoulder."
Since it was silly and unexpected, we both laughed. It's a
gentle way to let him know that the only person who could
hear him is a teeny Sprite sitting right on top of him! So
now, whenever I can't decipher his speech, I just pull out
some silly new version of the Sprite scenario: "That
must be a secret between you and the Sprite," "I
wish I were the Sprite," "I'm giving that Sprite
a megaphone." It always makes us both laugh AND it gets
him to speak up without triggering his old hurt feelings from
Action Step: Find
a way to add some humor into your discussions about perpetual
problems. But beware- since humor is very individual, what
you find funny, your partner may find insulting- especially
around a sensitive topic. You may need to experiment to find
something that works for both of you.
Another great strategy to help when you are having trouble
letting go or moving on. This was submitted by a single man
to a therapist who conducts a radio program (Spirit-Centered
Relationships- which airs Thursdays at 1 p.m. Pacific at www.hayhouseradio.com):
"I recently found myself obsessing about several relationships
in my past which hadn't ended well. I kept thinking about
the relationships, feeling angry about things that had happened,
also sad about rejections and things they'd said. After a
couple of hours I got tired of these thoughts and feelings
rattling around inside me, so I tried something that worked
great to clear all of it out of my mind. I got out a piece
of paper and made a list of all those relationships. Then
I went through each of them and wrote down all the things
I'd learned about myself, other people,
and how life works from each of the relationships.
I ended up with several pages of things I'd learned. When
I finished I felt grateful instead of the anger and frustration
I'd felt when I began."
What a fabulous idea! Turning frustration
into gratitude doesn't only feel better- it makes you smarter
for the next time!
NEXT WEEK* NEW Coupling
the STAND OUT Internet Dating
the Attention You Deserve
New to Internet dating and not sure
how to get started? Been using Internet dating but not getting
the response you deserve? Join us for a look at the most common
profile mistakes and learn how to craft a profile that will
get you noticed!
Ah, the power of words...with the right
ones, you open up a world of possibilities and draw interesting,
attractive prospects. With the wrong ones, you'll send people
running for the hills even if you are Ms./Ms Wonderful. Or
worse yet, you'll be attracting the wrong type of responses.
This class will review plenty of real life examples of stand
out profiles as well as red flag alerts. Don't fall prey to
Bonuses! All participants receive a
handout to help you get started writing a terrific profile.
In addition, all who attend get a FREE Red
Flag Profile assessment- make sure your profile doesn't contain
any of the lethal errors! All participants are also entitled
to a 15% discount on future profile editing or creation services!
Introductory Cost: $15, payable by check
or credit card on Pay Pal
for more info or to register!
us for *FREE* Date Smart! Keys to Dating Smarter, Not Harder
the Needle In a Haystack- Using the Most Underutilized Key
For Meeting The One
Sept 25th, 7:30pm, Mountain Time, (9:30
Learn more here: Date
Co-Ed Sassy Singles Book Club!
Connection is now hosting a dating book club for all singles
in Denver. Join a great group of singles every month to get
inspired and informed to create an extraordinary relationship!
Best part? You don't even need to read the book! Become empowered
to find the love you deserve!
meeting: Monday September 18th, 7pm.
join or learn more visit: Sassy
Singles Book Club. PS.
You don't have to attend every meeting to join!
New Singles University Workshop Dates!
Singles University has gone national!
They now offer classes in web cast and teleclass formats for
added convenience!! Learn all you need to know to create the
love you deserve without ever leaving home!
U website for the latest dates for the
How to Avoid Dating
and Marrying a Jerk(ette) Part 1 and 2
Reclaiming Your Love Life From the Patterns of the Past
How to Maximize Your Happiness and Create the Life That You
"Socializing for Professionals"
Party and networking event for singles
is being held at the elegant Glenmoor Country Club from 5:30
to 9:45 on the following dates:
The second Thursday in September and
October (September 14, & October 12.)
$15.00 at the door, more info here:
Parties by Marty
ONE week left to take advantage of
It's summer and now
is the time to create the relationship of your dreams. Why
not spark e a little summertime romance in your life? You
Purchase a 6 pack of
45 min coaching calls and save! Normally priced at $270. Save
$15 per call and pay only $180!
Complete the Relationship
Readiness Inventory. Normally priced at $65. Save $20 and
pay only $45.
Internet Dating Profile
Now through the end
of August! Put some summer sizzle into your life!!
Coupling Connection is all about helping
you find ways to stay close to the ones you love. Here's a
great resource to help you discover a fun way to stay connected
with your family. Find a new tradition today that your family
will remember for a lifetime!
Learn more here: Once
Upon A Family
*NEW* Couples Inventory:
Bulletproof Your Love
Whether or not your relationship is
currently in trouble, it can help to identify your love's
strengths and weaknesses. Doing this can prevent trouble down
the road by addressing small issues before they become large.
Or if things are less than ideal now, it can help you tackle
the big problems so you can bring passion, romance, and connection
back into your life.
Cost: $75 per couple, $60 during the
Summer Sizzle Special! $60 for Individual, $45 during Special.
for more info.
* Have you tried
a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want
to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like.
Did it improve your connection? Or no?
Email us! *
Do you have a
topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed
in an upcoming newsletter? Email
Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts?
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May your relationships bring you the happiness you
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
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