week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating
tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire
you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include
helpful information in these three categories:
- Dating – tips on finding and keeping the
- Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge
and perk up your love life!
- Relating – tips on making your connection
Be sure to scroll down and
check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples!
We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings
you may find useful.
Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research
shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within
two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary
relationship, try something new today!
The Broken Road
I love country music. Crazy but true.
I used to hate country music, but if you are a real romantic,
there is nothing like the country love ballad. Man, there’s
a million country love songs that can touch you to the core.
Why should you care? Because recently there was a popular
hit by Rascal Flats that has an important lesson for you.
Check out these lyrics from “Bless
the Broken Road”:
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Within those highlighted words lies perhaps the most
critical (and most hard learned) dating lesson of all. So,
what’s the lesson? Listen up, because I want you to
memorize it and make it your mantra: “Everything
is unfolding as it should be. My true love is on his/her way.
So rather than lament, I will ask, What is the lesson I am
supposed to learn from this?”
I know, every time a hopeful new romance turns south,
or your latest internet flame goes cold, or your 67th new
date heads nowhere- it’s easy to be disappointed and
become discouraged. Believe me, I have been there. But there
is one very simple shift in your perception of the situation
that has the power to change your entire dating experience.
When you honestly put your faith in the above mantra, you
realize that the path to true love is not direct from A to
B (otherwise we all would have arrived by now!). Instead,
there are certain number of broken roads you will NEED to
travel before you arrive there. Why? Because these roads,
these “failed” relationships, are not failures
at all. Instead, it is through them that you are absorbing
the lessons that you HAVE to learn before you will be ready
for your One to arrive. I know, it kind of sucks. But here
is what I suggest you do: just accept the fact that there
will be pain, rejection, and disappointment along the way.
Rather than fight that- I want you to embrace it. Recognize
that until you meet your One, every other relationship will
end, as it is meant to! Holding on to it will only prolong
the time until your perfect partner arrives.
Instead, this is your job: Every time you begin a
romance, I want you to consider it an opportunity to learn
an important lesson that will prepare you to be able to love
your soul mate more deeply when they arrive. In fact, without
this lesson, your soul mate may not even recognize you! So,
I want you to be on the lookout for what that lesson might
be. And when that romance comes to an end I want you to know
deep in your bones that it ended because they were NOT THE
ONE for you. Period. End of story. Rather than drive yourself
to depression wondering why, why, why, and what if, I want
you to be sure you have learned the lesson that person was
brought to your life to teach you. Because as long as you
have absorbed that lesson, a breakup is a cause for celebration!
Honestly!! I know it’s hard to believe- but that ending
means that you are one person, one lesson closer to your perfect
partner arriving. How exciting is that?! But if you didn’t
learn the lesson- you’ll have to be held back a grade
and repeat that lesson, until you get it! Ouch- You don’t
So, to put it another way, I am challenging you to
completely alter the way you view the dating process. Instead
of the usual loss mentality, I want you to embrace, really
internalize this central concept:
Let’s pick a number. Any number. How about
10. Ok, from now on I want you to act as if you KNOW, without
a doubt, that you will have to meet, become attached to at
some level, and then let go of 10 partners BEFORE your true
love will arrive. This is because you have 10 very critical
lessons that you need to learn so that when they arrive, you
will be fully prepared to give and receive a deep, rewarding,
and mature love. If you do this, your soul mate will arrive
on time, as soon as it is possible (they are doing their 10
too!). When you don’t do this- you will cause yourself
more pain, and it will be longer before you will be ready
for your soul mate to arrive. Or, even worse, they will arrive,
but because you didn’t learn your lessons, you will
not be able to create the ideal relationship. Let’s
not take that risk!
I know that these ideas and concepts may be very
foreign to you, and even sound insane. But I want you to REALLY
think about what it would mean for your life if you decided
to adopt this belief and make it your own. We’re all
so used to being victims. But you are the creator of your
destiny- and at any moment, YOU chose how to think, feel,
and behave. This mantra has the power to free you from pessimism,
doubt, and fear. Instead, you’ll operate out of a deep
belief that everything is right in the world and your soul
mate is on his/her way, bringing you a sense of peace, confidence,
and curiosity. All things which will make you more attractive,
not to mention feel more content, in the meantime. Then, you
just need to keep doing your job and learning your lessons
until they arrive.
If someone had tried to share with me this message
7 years ago, even 3 years ago, I would have rolled my eyes
and smirked, “Yeah, right.” But I am sharing it
with you now because my life has shown me that this is the
truth. Having traveled many broken roads, and finally reaching
my destination, I can clearly see that I wouldn’t have
been ready to receive my soulmate if I not gone through all
of those experiences and collected the wisdom each partner
was attempting to share with me. But because I was prepared,
when my perfect partner arrived, we were able to grow a beautiful
love filled with joy and gratitude. But I also see with equal
clarity, that because I resisted the lessons, and clung to
these hopeless attachments, that my journey was lengthened
and filled with more heart ache than necessary. I had to repeat
lessons several times! But you don’t have to!
Remember, every broken road is leading you straight to your
perfect partner. And instead of being discouraged, your choice
can be “Bring on the Next!” Consider adopting
and living by the mantra: Everything is unfolding as it should
be. My soulmate is on his/her way. What is the lesson I need
to learn from this?
Relation Strategy: If
this concept is hard for you to embrace and employ, consider
joining one of our Dating Success Groups! Get the knowledge,
insight, guidance, and support you need to make the best dating
choices to lead you to your perfect partner! Groups are forming
now so if you are interested, Email
for more info by Monday June 5th!
The Siren Solution
Women often complain that their husbands aren't very
loving and affectionate. Furthermore, they are often frustrated
that their guys are often not thoughtful and helpful enough
around the home. As a result, many women aren't "in the
mood" when it comes time for sex. What these women have
forgotten is the
"Siren Solution." When women have complaints like
these author Michelle Weiner Davis recommends trying an experiment
for two weeks. She challenges them to act and dress sexier,
to be more affectionate, responsive and passionate, even
if they don't feel like it. She also encourages
them to initiate sex more frequently and then, notice how
their partner responds.
What are you likely to find? That your guy will be
more loving, more emotionally intimate, AND more helpful around
the house! Which will put you in the mood more often. Plus,
you may have forgotten how good it feels to be seen as an
attractive, sexual woman, which will boost your positive sense
of self. All of this can rekindle the positive cycle of passion.
You see, many women forget
that sex is an important need for men. When that need is met,
men tend to feel cared for and attended to, which makes them
more open and willing to meet your needs. A win-win
Challenge: Turn on your Siren Solution
Tip: Check out Davis' book: The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couples
Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido
Slaying the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
Dr. John Gottman
is a marital research GOD. At the University of Washington,
he has spent his lifetime studying what causes happy couples'
love to thrive and unhappy couples' love to die. And, he has
learned to predict with over 90% accuracy which couples will
go on to divorce! Pretty important stuff- so for the next
four letters we are going to cover the four most corrosive,
harmful behaviors that will lead you down the path toward
divorce. Dr. Gottman refers to these four danger signs as
the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.
If you recognize any of these behaviors habitually turning
up in your relationship, it's time to find a more positive
These behaviors typically
happen in a sequence so we will discus them in that order:
criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
Everyone has complaints about our partner, things that we
wish they would change. And that's normal, we need to express
our complaints in order to have our feelings heard and our
needs addressed. But when complaints turn into criticism,
they are lethal to love.
Criticism is any
statement that implies that there is something globally wrong
with your partner, probably something wrong about who they
are, or something that is part of their personality. Whereas
a compliant is a specific statement about a behavior and it's
For example, a complaint
might be: "I'm upset because you talked about yourself
all through dinner and you didn't ask me anything about my
day. That hurts my feelings."
A criticism might
be: "You talked about yourself all through dinner and
never asked me anything about my day. How can you treat me
this way? You always do that! What kind of self-centered person
are you? What is wrong with you!"
You can recognize
criticism because they tend to be global
versus specific (you always or you never versus today you)
and personal rather than situational
(you are self centered rather than at dinner you didn't ask
Criticism is so corrosive
because you are attacking who you partner is as a person,
rather than focusing on a behavior that you find
unpleasant. This character assassination leaves very little
room for your partner to respond positively. Instead, it automatically
triggers defensiveness in your partner, starting a spiral
downward, creating judgment, distance, and hurt rather than
feelings of understanding and intimacy.
Start paying attention to whether you typically use compliant
or criticism with your partner. Work toward replacing criticism
with complaint- a specific statement about your partner's
behavior and it's effects.
To effectively express a complaint try this structure: "I
feel X, when you do Y."
News For Singles
New Groups Forming Now!
Dating Success Groups
Ready to find The One, but not sure how to do it?
Want an affordable, fun way to successfully navigate your
Then, make your dating an adventure that gets results
by joining a group of supportive peers and getting expert
for more info by June 5th!
*NEW* Singles Workshop
How to Maximize
Your Happiness and Create the Life That You Desire
Learn to empower
yourself to create the happiness you deserve! In this course,
you'll learn the benefits of happiness, the nine choices you
can make to live a more joyful, satisfied life, and three
tools to help you get there.
Dates for Singles
University course to be announced soon. Email
for course outline or for info on E-course.
News For Couples
A new study suggests that there may be a genetic component
to infidelity. A new twin study showed that if one twin commits
adultery, the other twin strays 55% of the time, compared
with 23% of the time in the general population. The tendency
to remain faithful appears to be a component of personality,
which is governed by a number of genes and social factors.
Strategy: If infidelity runs in your family- you may need
to pay special attention to your commitment and employ strategies
to keep your commitment strong.
*NEW* Couples Assessment
Strong is Your Relationship Foundation?
Just like any building, a relationship
requires a strong foundation to survive and thrive over the
long term. The “Building a Strong Relationship House”
provides a powerful, in-depth look at the factors essential
for you to create a satisfying relationship with your partner.
It assesses your relating style, relationship background,
and the dynamics of your current relationship to give you
a comprehensive plan for developing the most rewarding relationship
possible. You’ll learn which relationship habits are
holding you back as well as strategies to break those patterns
and strengthen your bond. After completing a series of questionnaires,
you will have a one-hour phone feedback session. Comes with
a personalized Relationship Plan Report. Can be taken individually
or as a couple. Individual cost: $45, Couple cost $65. Discounts
apply when combined with any other service. Email
for more info.
* Have you tried
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Did it improve your connection? Or no?
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May your relationships bring you the happiness you
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
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