Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

November 27, 2006

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating – tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating – tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


Special Thanksgiving Gratitude Issue

Please note that our normal 3 column format is being suspended this week for a special two column gratitude issue in the spirit of Thanksgiving (No Mating article). Also note that Relation Smarts is going on hiatus for the month of December and will return January 8th 2007. Have a fantastic holiday season filled with love, laughter, and gratitude!!



Beating the Dating Doldrums: Transforming Tribulation into Triumph with the Gratitude Lesson Book

Let's face it, dating can be a drag. Frequently, it's filled with exciting build ups followed by disappointing let downs. That's when you even have some first dates to look forward to! Often dry spells can seem to last an eternity, making the previous pile of near misses start to seem like actual fun.

But there is a fool proof way to turn these dating doldrums into a dating adventure. And it's simple really. All you have to do is shift your focus from failure to gratitude.

Why? Because dating is actually a mysterious adventure where life lessons are lurking in every single encounter. Valuable lessons teaching you everything you need to know to find true love...when you are paying attention.

So how can you turn your ordinary dating tribulations into triumph? By refusing to see disappointment, discouragement, and rejection in every "failed" connection. But rather to embrace an attitude of gratitude while searching for the lesson that each encounter is offering you. Then collecting that wisdom in a notebook to remind you of the powerfully positive momentum you are building- all leading to The One.

Action Step: Either on your computer or in a specially selected journal that you have purchased, vow to begin your Gratitude Lesson Book. Begin making entries in your book, remembering that NO dating experience is too small to search for the wisdom being bestowed. Carefully word your lessons in the language of gratitude to help you focus on how thankful you are for each and every experience and how it is preparing you for the beautiful relationship that is on it's way. If the lesson you learned will change your actions in the future, include how you will adjust your behavior.


* You've recently joined E-Harmony or and a promising person you were communicating with just disappeared or "closed" you. Entry: I am thankful to Jared for realizing that we were not a good match and not wasting my time. I feel gratitude for being reminded of the lesson that not everyone is comfortable being open and honest in their communications. I vow to never disappear like that on someone without explaining where I am coming from.

* You went on what seemed like a fantastic first date, but you never heard from them again. Entry: I am thankful to Sara for helping me realize that dating can be fun. I feel gratitude for being reminded I can feel smart, witty, and attractive to a member of the opposite sex. I vow to not forget my worth and value, no matter what any specific person thinks.

* You were dating Jason for 3 months and it seemed like the relationship had long term potential, when he suddenly broke up with you. Entry: I am thankful to Jason for setting me free to find the right person for me. I feel gratitude for the lesson that I should not ignore red flags. I vow to bring up the things that bother me in my next relationship as soon as I notice them.

Relation Tip: Motivated not to make the same mistakes you made last time? Spend some time reviewing previous dates and relationships and include those lessons in your book as well.

Relation Tip: Feeling discouraged? Take out your book and focus on feeling the gratitude! The thought is important, but what's crucial is getting in touch with the emotion. The more you practice this- the more automatic the habit of gratitude and optimism will become. You'll find yourself searching for the positive meaning in all sorts of events that used to only get you down. That's where the mysterious adventure comes in: What cool lesson is coming today?

Relation Tip: Remember, don't wait for big events to start this! To have the greatest impact, use this type of thinking and journal for even small experiences. Make a habit of doing it daily, or weekly, or after every relationship event!

Want more info on this way of dating? Review The Broken Road article in a previous newsletter edition: Revolutionary Dating Strategy

Coupling Connection specializes in helping you turn dating tribulations into triumphs! Email for more info!



Relationship Insurance:Year-Round Gratitude

It's easy to fall into the habit of only feeling thankful for your partner during the major milestones in the year: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's day, birthdays, or anniversaries. Heck- we often forget to focus on gratitude for our partners even then! But if there is one thing that will ensure that your relationship stays happy and healthy- it's regular doses of gratitude. Know how making a habit of exercise strengthens your heart? Same is true for regular servings of gratitude in your relationship. Skip it and you'll likely need a trip to the relationship doctor before long!

It may sound extreme to you, but my fiance and I write love notes filled with gratitude 5 days a week, every week, ever since the first night I stayed over his house. We buy special sized notes, keep them handy in a fancy container, and store them by the hundreds in an attractive box just for that purpose. That's how serious we are about keeping our love alive. As a result, it is thriving and every day we both feel loved, adored, and cherished. We never have to wonder...we just know...we have reams of evidence!

Action Step: Find a way to build consistent expressions of gratitude into your relationship. If daily love notes take too much time, consider: a daily one line email, a weekly voicemail, a sticky note on the bathroom mirror, a nighttime ritual just before creative. Or start a couple gratitude notebook and make entries weekly for each other to read...or get the whole family involved in it! You'll cherish it for a lifetime.


NEWS For Everyone!

Another One Not To Miss

Need some practice making gratitude a habit? Need a reminder to get you in motion? Check out Watch the short video clip, then sign up for the 42 days of gratitude reminders. Embrace this attitude in the new year and watch the new you flourish!!


NEWS: For Singles

Watch for the Soulmate Revolution!

Coming January 2007

Are you serious about finding a life partner? Are you prepared to make 2007 the year you become happily coupled? Then join Coupling Connection and other like-minded singles in *NEW* fun, effective, and trans formative programs designed to make 2007 the year you find your soulmate! Now is the time! The relationship you've been waiting for is out there. Are you ready???


News: For Couples

Powerful Short Cuts To Connection

Staring January 2007, Coupling Connection is offering personalized, small group programs for couples who are ready to ignite their love and keep the passion alive. Focused on shortcuts to real connection for busy couples- get a group of your friends together and support each other in building a lifetime of love! More info coming soon!


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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