week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating
tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire
you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include
helpful information in these three categories:
- Dating – tips on finding and keeping the
- Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge
and perk up your love life!
- Relating – tips on making your connection
Be sure to scroll down and
check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples!
We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings
you may find useful.
Does an article strike a chord
or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation
Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!
Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research
shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within
two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary
relationship, try something new today!
Please note that our
normal 3 column format is being suspended this week for a
special two column gratitude issue in the spirit of Thanksgiving
(No Mating article). Also note that Relation Smarts is going
on hiatus for the month of December and will return January
8th 2007. Have a fantastic holiday season filled with love,
laughter, and gratitude!!
the Dating Doldrums: Transforming Tribulation into Triumph
with the Gratitude Lesson Book
Let's face it, dating can be a drag.
Frequently, it's filled with exciting build ups followed by
disappointing let downs. That's when you even have some first
dates to look forward to! Often dry spells can seem to last
an eternity, making the previous pile of near misses start
to seem like actual fun.
But there is a fool proof way to turn
these dating doldrums into a dating adventure. And it's simple
really. All you have to do is shift your focus from failure
Why? Because dating is actually a mysterious
adventure where life lessons are lurking in every single encounter.
Valuable lessons teaching you everything you need to know
to find true love...when you are paying attention.
So how can you turn your ordinary dating
tribulations into triumph? By refusing to see disappointment,
discouragement, and rejection in every "failed"
connection. But rather to embrace an attitude of gratitude
while searching for the lesson that each encounter is offering
you. Then collecting that wisdom in a notebook to remind you
of the powerfully positive momentum you are building- all
leading to The One.
Either on your computer or in a specially selected journal
that you have purchased, vow to begin your Gratitude Lesson
Book. Begin making entries in your book, remembering that
NO dating experience is too small to search for the wisdom
being bestowed. Carefully word your lessons in the language
of gratitude to help you focus on how thankful you are for
each and every experience and how it is preparing you for
the beautiful relationship that is on it's way. If the lesson
you learned will change your actions in the future, include
how you will adjust your behavior.
* You've recently joined E-Harmony or
Match.com and a promising person you were communicating with
just disappeared or "closed" you.
Entry: I am thankful to Jared for realizing that we were not
a good match and not wasting my time. I feel gratitude for
being reminded of the lesson that not everyone is comfortable
being open and honest in their communications. I vow to never
disappear like that on someone without explaining where I
am coming from.
You went on what seemed like a fantastic
first date, but you never heard from them again. Entry:
I am thankful to Sara for helping me realize that dating can
be fun. I feel gratitude for being reminded I can feel smart,
witty, and attractive to a member of the opposite sex. I vow
to not forget my worth and value, no matter what any specific
* You were dating Jason for 3 months
and it seemed like the relationship had long term potential,
when he suddenly broke up with you. Entry:
I am thankful to Jason for setting me free to find the right
person for me. I feel gratitude for the lesson that I should
not ignore red flags. I vow to bring up the things that bother
me in my next relationship as soon as I notice them.
Motivated not to make the same mistakes
you made last time? Spend some time reviewing previous dates
and relationships and include those lessons in your book as
Feeling discouraged? Take out your book
and focus on feeling the gratitude!
The thought is important, but what's crucial is getting in
touch with the emotion. The more you practice this- the more
automatic the habit of gratitude and optimism will become.
You'll find yourself searching for the positive meaning in
all sorts of events that used to only get you down. That's
where the mysterious adventure comes in: What cool lesson
is coming today?
Remember, don't wait for big events to start this!
To have the greatest impact, use this type of thinking and
journal for even small experiences. Make a habit of doing
it daily, or weekly, or after every relationship event!
Want more info on this way of dating? Review The
Broken Road article in a previous newsletter edition: Revolutionary
Coupling Connection specializes
in helping you turn dating tribulations into triumphs! Email
for more info!
It's easy to fall into the habit of only feeling
thankful for your partner during the major milestones in the
year: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's day, birthdays,
or anniversaries. Heck- we often forget to focus on gratitude
for our partners even then! But if there is one thing that
will ensure that your relationship stays happy and healthy-
it's regular doses of gratitude. Know how making a habit of
exercise strengthens your heart? Same is true for regular
servings of gratitude in your relationship. Skip it and you'll
likely need a trip to the relationship doctor before long!
sound extreme to you, but my fiance and I write love notes
filled with gratitude 5 days a week, every week, ever since
the first night I stayed over his house. We buy special sized
notes, keep them handy in a fancy container, and store them
by the hundreds in an attractive box just for that purpose.
That's how serious we are about keeping our love alive. As
a result, it is thriving and every day we both feel loved,
adored, and cherished. We never have to wonder...we just know...we
have reams of evidence!
Action Step: Find
a way to build consistent expressions of gratitude into your
relationship. If daily love notes take too much time, consider:
a daily one line email, a weekly voicemail, a sticky note
on the bathroom mirror, a nighttime ritual just before sleep...be
creative. Or start a couple gratitude notebook and make entries
weekly for each other to read...or get the whole family involved
in it! You'll cherish it for a lifetime.
One Not To Miss
Need some practice making gratitude
a habit? Need a reminder to get you in motion? Check out www.gogratitude.com.
Watch the short video clip, then sign up for the 42 days of
gratitude reminders. Embrace this attitude in the new year
and watch the new you flourish!!
for the Soulmate Revolution!
you serious about finding a life partner? Are you prepared
to make 2007 the year you become happily coupled? Then join
Coupling Connection and other like-minded singles in *NEW*
fun, effective, and trans formative programs designed to make
2007 the year you find your soulmate! Now is the time! The
relationship you've been waiting for is
out there. Are you ready???
Short Cuts To Connection
Staring January 2007, Coupling Connection
is offering personalized, small group programs for couples
who are ready to ignite their love and keep the passion alive.
Focused on shortcuts to real connection for busy couples-
get a group of your friends together and support each other
in building a lifetime of love! More info coming soon!
* Have you tried a tip or tool
from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about
it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve
your connection? Or no?
Email us! *
Do you have a
topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed
in an upcoming newsletter? Email
Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts?
Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!
May your relationships bring you the happiness you
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
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