Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

November 13, 2006

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating – tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating – tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


Join Us TODAY!

Free Monthly Date Smart Coaching Call:

Topic: Discouraged?- Using the Secrets of the Law of Attraction to Stay Positive and Find Your Perfect Partner

Monday October 30, 7:30pm, Mountain Time, (9:30 pm eastern)

Learn more here: Date Smart

To participate, call: (712) 580-0600. Participant Access Code: 356899#


Dating:Not Your type? Think Again!

Something concerns me about many daters today. They often complain that they can't meet anyone to date, yet they are quick to rule out potential prospects based on fast "assessment" (read initial impression) or superficial qualities, like height, age, or appearance. Why does this concern me? Because they just may be missing out on the love of their life!

Let me share with you a little story. Many of you know that I met my fiance on He's my soulmate and our love grows deeper and stronger every day. BUT- it didn't start out that way...not immediately. When I moved to Colorado almost two years ago and joined, I was looking to meet friends, someone to show me around, hopefully, eventually my soulmate. But when I wrote to Greg on Match, there wasn't anything soulmate-y about it. Picture? Ok. Profile? Not inspiring. Why did I write to him? Honestly? He lived really close by! There really wasn't anything in his profile that made me think- "He might be the one." I just thought, "I'm not having much luck with this, but he's close by, maybe he can share his favorite hiking and biking places."

Then we met. And sparks? No, not really. It was a nice enough evening, filled with wonderful food, and plenty of conversation. I was happy to see him again, but I wasn't really excited. He didn't ooze fun and certainly didn't seem to reek of the qualities I was aching for in a man. Again, there was nothing to make me think, "Wow- he may be the one."

In fact, over the first few dates, I wasn't entirely comfortable with him. And after kissing him a couple of times, I wasn't completely sure that I enjoyed it! Perfection it was not.

But I hung in there, and before long I was rewarded with the kind of love I believed only existed in fairy tales. The kind of love that makes me feel blessed to have such a special man, every single day. The kind of love that inspires me, amazes me, strengthens me, and makes me deeply joyful. The type of love that can last a lifetime (plus, now I find him completely irresistible and I can’t stop kissing him!).

Action Step: Remember that your soulmate may arrive in a very different package than you may have expected. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt in the very beginning. Unless you have a really good reason or have a really bad feeling after the first date, see someone a second, third or fourth time. Give them time to become comfortable with you, for each of you to start to see the person underneath. You may just find the sparkling diamond you were hoping for!

Relation Tip: The above applies to someone when they are treating you well- but the sparks, chemistry or that certain something may be missing. In short, when it seems like they might just not be "your type." That's when you should give it some time, NOT when someone is treating you poorly. If you need to make serious excuses for someone's behavior- then it's time to move on.

Relation Tip: Keep in mind that "your type" is often related to your family background. And if you didn't have the best upbringing, the type you may be most attracted to- won't really be the right partner for you. In this case, you really need to work to find potential mates, outside your type! In fact, when you get the goose bumps from having met "your type"- you may need be cautious and really see if this is a healthy person for you to date.

Coupling Connection specializes in helping you find The One, not Your Type! Email for more info!



Are You Willing to Settle for Average?

Recently on the Today show, experts noted that the average American couple has sex slightly more than once a week. Well, ok. That sounds alright, I suppose. BUT, less than 50% of couples are sexually satisfied in their relationship. That means the majority of couples aren't sexually fulfilled. So if you are among those couples who are not satisfied- you are average. You are normal. Are you willing to settle for that?

I don't think you should! Sex is one of the strongest of glues that binds your relationship. Without it, your relationship is at risk.

Passion Perks Challenge: Talk to your partner and ask if they are satisfied with your sexual relationship. Are they ok with the frequency of sex? The quality? Ask them what you need to do to make your sex life better than average!


Relating: What is Love?

In one poet's eyes, "Love is when two people can gaze into each other's eyes and both are looking up at the other." This quote captures a pivotal quality for any long term love: respect. Love cannot last long unless both partners truly admire and respect one another. Chances are there was plenty of admiration for your partner's strengths and qualities in the beginning of your union. But often, as time passes and the stressors of life get in the way, our respect can tarnish. Loss of respect can happen in many ways. Frequently, we become more in touch with our partner's flaws rather than what's admirable about them. Perhaps they failed to meet some of our expectations or they didn't handle a new role, such as parenthood, the way we imagined. Little by little, respect can chip away until this person who was once on a pedestal, has now fallen squarely on their behind!

Action Step: To strengthen your respect, get back in touch with all of the reasons you have admired and respected your partner. Write a list of everything you can think of. Go back to the early days of your dating...and continue through to the present, paying attention to both the small and momentous things. If you need assistance, try remembering the things that happened during pivotal times of change in your life, such as engagement, wedding, different stages of parenthood, new homes, new jobs, etc. Now share this list with your partner.

Relation Tip: Is there a particular issue that is eroding your respect for your partner? Sometimes to increase your respect for your partner you'll need to address an ongoing problem. Bring up the issue gently and kindly, in terms of wanting to boost respect to protect your love. Work together on rekindling this crucial aspect of your relationship.


NEWS For Everyone!

Don't Miss This!

Wish you could have more fun? Wish you could keep the really important things in mind and not let life get you down? Learn about the eight irresistible principles of fun during this brief, but powerful, and entertaining presentation. Don't miss this and pass it on to your friends!


Do You Tango?

You should! Tango is a relatively new magazine devoted to "smart talk about love"- for singles and couples. The Nov/Dec issue is chock full of GREAT, inspiring stories about dating, love, and sex! I encourage you to check it out at the newsstand or get your subscription!! Learn more here:


NEWS: For Singles

Join us This Tuesday!

November Co-Ed Savvy Singles Book Club!

Tues, Nov 14

7-9pm, at Peaberry Coffee, Cherry Creek, 2nd and St. Paul

Topic: How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk(ette)

You don't even need to read the book! To join or learn more visit: Savvy Singles Book Club.


News: For Couples

Kama Sutra

Need some inspiration to invigorate an ordinary sex life? Try the new DVD: Kama Sutra in3D. Learn about 50 positions. Try something new and reignite passion and play in the bedroom!!


Couples Inventory: Bulletproof Your Love

Whether or not your relationship is currently in trouble, it can help to identify your love's strengths and weaknesses. Doing this can prevent trouble down the road by addressing small issues before they become large. Or if things are less than ideal now, it can help you tackle the big problems so you can bring passion, romance, and connection back into your life. Cost: $75 per couple, $60 for Individual

Email for more info.


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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