Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

October 30, 2006

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating – tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating – tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

SINGLES! Lots of new exciting opportunities for upcoming programs and events! Don't Miss out!! See below for details...

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


Join Us Monday!

Free Monthly Date Smart Coaching Call:

Topic: Discouraged?- Using the Secrets of the Law of Attraction to Stay Positive and Find Your Perfect Partner

Monday October 30, 7:30pm, Mountain Time, (9:30 pm eastern)

Learn more here and the get phone number to join us: Date Smart



Are Your Old Habits Only in Hibernation?

Everybody knows that old habits die hard, right? Well, sort of. The reality is that most habits only hibernate. That is, we do some work on them, develop a new behavior, and the old habit goes on the back burner. Gone, but not forgotten. The unfortunate news is that under times of stress, fatigue, or emotional dips, those old habits have a, um, habit of creeping back in, sometimes without our awareness. So, something we believe we "worked through" and conquered, may one day be staring us right back in the face.

This is true for any pattern of behavior, whether it's smoking, overeating, or making less than stellar dating decisions. What makes dating habits even more tricky is that often while we are single and working on ourselves, it seems that our issues are getting better, that they have less control over us. But, often when we start dating again- Bam! There's that issue popping up all over the place. That's because dating is an emotional mine field- and we've all developed patterns of behaviors to help us navigate the dangers. When we feel vulnerable, as often occurs when getting to know someone new, we're apt to resort to old behaviors rather than the new ones we've been working hard to embrace.

Action Step: So, what's the solution? Be aware that dating can trigger old patterns. Keep your eye out, but don't beat yourself up if you find yourself falling into some of the same old traps that you thought you had fixed. Turn to a friend or other support to help you keep an objective view and get back on track. Over time, the new behaviors will become easier and happen more naturally. Hibernation will last longer and longer!

Coupling Connection specializes in helping you kick the habit of hurtful love. Email for more info!



Top Ten Secret Health Benefits of Sex!

Not only does sex feel good and strengthen your relationship- it comes with added health benefits thanks to the variety of chemicals and hormones that are released during lovemaking. If you needed more incentive to get it going you go!

1. It helps you live longer.

2. It strengthens your heart.

3. It reduces stress and depression.

4. It strengths bones and muscles.

5. It improves memory, keeping you sharp.

6. Helps you look younger.

7. Improves your sense of smell.

8. It provides pain relief.

9. It may reduce risk of prostrate cancer

10. It boosts the immune system!

Passion Perks Challenge: When was the last time something that felt so good- was actually SO good for you? So go on, make the time for it, you'll be happier and healthier!

Relation Tip: Learn more about these tidbits in the book The Ultimate Sex Diet by Kerry McCloskey at



Teamwork: The Crucial Key For

Long-Term Love

In the beginning of your relationship, "we'ness" probably ran rampant. We this, we that. No doubt, you felt connected and functioned as a team- each supporting the other. In fact, that's happy couples biggest secret- they maintain Team morale long after the glow fades. Problem is, once daily life gets in the way, it's easy to end up on opposite teams- blaming each other and feeling like you're working toward different goals- rather than working together.

So what's the key to rediscovering Teamwork? Take a hint from your favorite sports team to remind yourself of the basics:

Name and Mascot: How do you know someone's a Bronco's fan? It's easy- they wear Bronco's colors, display their emblems, and cheer Go Bronco's! Well- your team is no different. You need a way to reinforce your we'ness and show yourselves, if not the world, that you are behind each other 100%. So be creative ...decide what your team stands for and have a name or idea that evokes that for you. Or, have a ritual that signifies your we-ness. Be unique and let your imaginations run wild. The exercise itself will bring your closer together- now and in the future.

Purpose: Every team has a purpose and successful teams never lose sight of the main goal. While you and your partner's purpose may not be to score as many touchdowns as possible- your union does serve an important purpose. And every couple is different. Sit down and remind yourselves: what is your biggest purpose? Why are you together?

Meeting: Find a way to keep that purpose front and center- for sports teams, they have meetings. How else would they keep in touch, check progress on their goals, and plan their next moves to stay on track? Your team should have regular meetings too! Once a week or at least once a month, schedule a couple or family meeting to address your progress toward key goals and keep communication clear.

Leadership: Every successful team has wise leaders guiding the way. In this case- you both need to be leaders- ones who know how to compromise. It's important that each member of the couple is allowed to lead in the areas where you are strong. Power needs to be shared and rotated. If you end up with too many power struggles- your team will lose.

Practice: No Team wins without practicing essential skills. Relationships are no different! If you are weak in important relationship skills- you're team is going to flounder. It takes a lifetime to learn excellent communication, conflict resolution, sharing, intimacy, cooperation, etc skills. Keep sharpening your repertoire!

Coaching: Lastly, no one is successful alone. Even top competitors in all fields make use of coaches- you simply need an objective view sometimes. So, read relationship books, make use of online information sources, or when needed, seek outside assistance.

Action Step: What's your teamwork level? Feeling like you are on opposing sides of a losing argument? Than it's time to boost your team work skills! Review the above factors and decide which aspects of teamwork your team needs to focus on to start winning again!

Relation Tip: Coupling Connection can help you and your partner stay on the same winning team for a lifetime! Email for more info!



NEWS: For Singles

Join us This Week! October Co-Ed Savvy Singles Book Club!

Rescheduled due to snow last week

Wed, Nov 1

7-9pm, at Peaberry Coffee, Cherry Creek, 2nd and St. Paul

Topic: Falling in Love For All the Right Reasons (by E-Harmony founder)

You don't even need to read the book! To join or learn more visit: Savvy Singles Book Club.


News: For Couples

Another Reason to Pay Attention to Your Relationship

Who doesn't want to look and feel younger? A happy marriage can make you seem two years younger, according to a new study!


Couples Inventory: Bulletproof Your Love

Whether or not your relationship is currently in trouble, it can help to identify your love's strengths and weaknesses. Doing this can prevent trouble down the road by addressing small issues before they become large. Or if things are less than ideal now, it can help you tackle the big problems so you can bring passion, romance, and connection back into your life. Cost: $75 per couple, $60 for Individual

Email for more info.


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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