Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

October 2, 2006

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating – tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating – tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

SINGLES! Lots of new exciting opportunities for upcoming programs and events! Don't Miss out!! See below for details...

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


Check out the new *Calendar of Events* section on the website to keep abreast of all of Coupling Connection's offerings. Several free and low cost options....Now's the time to get Smart!



Why Is Nobody Winking At Me?:

The Top Ten Internet Dating Profile Mistakes

Read this week's article on the website here: Avoiding Profile Mistakes

Don't know if you're committing profile blunders? Coupling Connection can help! Email for more info.


Mating: Fantasy World

Most people use some form of fantasy to enliven their sex lives, whether they use it when they are alone, their partner is away, or during sexual escapades. That's good because, it's normal, it can work to prime the body for maximal satisfaction, and it can add spice.

But many articles and books will tell you to share your sexual fantasies with your partner! Beware! Although this can be an effective tool to increase your sexual satisfaction, depending on your self esteem and the health of your relationship, it can also leave you or your partner feeling unloved, insecure, jealous, etc- with a picture in their mind that they can't get rid of!

For a safer version of sharing, instead of asking your partner to share any fantasy, ask them to talk about fantasies they have about you. Those are the fantasies that you're apt to be able to do something about anyway!

Passion Perks Challenge: This week, spice up your sex life by each sharing one fantasy you have about the other.



Changing Behavior With Chips and Dip

I think Dr. Cheryl McClary is on to something! As a professor at University of N.C., she studies couples and has recently discovered the magical power of three little ingredients: food, sex, and sports. According to her, if you want to get your male partner's attention, you need to keep in mind what motivates him.

So the next time you want to request a change in your man, remember the power of some chips, dip, and a beer. Bring him a snack and let him know what you need: "It would be great to have my handsome husband ask me out once a week!" The next day, reinforce your request, with a sexy reminder. She just writes "From the one who's stuck on you" on a sticky note and puts it on the zipper of the pants he has set out to wear to work the next day." Or tape two tickets to his favorite sporting event to the mirror. The possibilities are endless- get creative, have some fun. But above all, have some hope. Change IS possible, with the right motivation!

Action Step: By giving what is important to your partner, they become more willing to give back to you!

Check out Dr. McClary's book: "The Commitment Chronicles- the Power of Staying Together "


NEWS: For Singles

Tools in your Dating Toolbox!

Dating can be scary, have you noticed? From starting a conversation with someone you like . . . to asking someone out . . . to disclosing the secret you’re afraid will push your new love away . . . to meeting the parents . . . to popping the question. The whole journey into the relationship you want is filled with moments that may at times make you feel mildly apprehensive, sweaty-palms nervous or downright terrified.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a tool for managing those nerves so you can be your best self, take the risks you want to take and have a better chance of building the life you want? How much easier the journey could be!

Have you ever heard of psychological acupressure? There’s a relatively new technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) that involves fingertip tapping on acupuncture points, combined with focused thought. No needles, and you do it for yourself. It’s easily and quickly learned and completely portable. Tens of thousands of people have used it effectively for all kinds of challenges, including anxiety, day-to-day stress, weight control, self esteem issues, fear of crowds, some kinds of pain, phobias, and many more.

EFT is a great tool to have when you’re pushing yourself into new territory and taking new risks. It’s a great tool to have when you’re facing up to the self-sabotaging maneuvers you’ve unknowingly been using for years. It can be a
great addition to any kind of coaching.

Local EFT workshops, conducted by psychologist Pat Roe, are an easy and affordable way to learn EFT and practice applying it to the fears that interfere with your dating success.

Call Pat at 303-756-9052 for more information and a schedule of upcoming workshops. Or email her at

What Dr Jenn says: I've been to one of Pat's workshops and I highly recommend you check it out! It's helped me overcome several obstacles!


*Brand New Group Opportunity*

Transform your life and find your soul mate!

Calling in The One

Singles Study Group

*Forming Now*

(6 month weekly, teleclass or In-person group)

Are you really serious about finding your soul mate?
Are you finally ready to remove all obstacles to finding your perfect partner?
Can you commit to a process that will transform your life?

The focus of this group is to study and implement Katherine Woodward Thomas’program in her book: Calling in the One: 7 weeks to Attract The Love Of Your Life.

Cost: $15 per session, billed $60 per month.

Don’t settle for a bad relationship or for being alone! Your soul mate is out there and is waiting for you! Transform your life from the inside out, and you will find them! Email for more info.

Next meeting of Co-Ed Savvy Singles Book Club!

Thursday Oct 26, 6:30pm

Peaberry Coffee, I-25 and Colorado

Topic: Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons, by E-Harmony founder

You don't even need to read the book!

What people are saying: "The last book club discussion we had was very interesting - Jennifer's a great group organizer with amazing insights about relationships, and the book was a good choice."

To join or learn more visit: Sassy Singles Book Club.


**New In-Person Workshop**

Finding Love Along the Broken Road:

A Revolutionary New Approach to Dating

Thursday October 19th, 6:30-9:30

Single again? Feeling like you’ll never find love? Frustration and discouragement are high on the list of single’s complaints. Come learn a revolutionary approach to dating that will end your frustration, making your dating journey into a successful adventure! Plus, discover the three keys to avoiding the biggest dating mistakes that stand between you and finding The One.

If you are serious about creating the loving relationship you deserve, this is information you cannot afford to miss!

Cost of workshop: $15 per workshop for Cottonwood members, $20 per workshop for non-members.
Location: Cottonwood Connection Office, 355 S. Teller St., Ste. #200 Lakewood, CO 80226, 303 424-2300,

Email for more info!


* NEW Date* Coupling Connection Teleclass!!

Crafting the STAND OUT Internet Dating Profile:

Getting the Attention You Deserve

Tuesday October 24th,

7-8:15pm Mountain time

New to Internet dating and not sure how to get started? Been using Internet dating but not getting the response you deserve? Join us for a look at the most common profile mistakes and learn how to craft a profile that will get you noticed!

Ah, the power of words...with the right ones, you open up a world of possibilities and draw interesting, attractive prospects. With the wrong ones, you'll send people running for the hills even if you are Ms./Ms Wonderful. Or worse yet, you'll be attracting the wrong type of responses. This class will review plenty of real life examples of stand out profiles as well as red flag alerts. Don't fall prey to profile mistakes!

Introductory Cost: $15, payable by check or credit card on Pay Pal

Email for more info or to register!


*FREE* Date Smart! Keys to Dating Smarter, Not Harder

The October topic:

Discouraged?: Using the Secrets of the Law of Attraction to Stay Positive and Find Your Perfect Partner

Monday October 30, 7:30pm, Mountain Time, (9:30 pm eastern)

Learn more here: Date Smart


Find Romance and/or Your Mate!

All that glitters may turn to "gold" when 800 singles (38 & over) deck out in gowns and tuxes to attend the 5th annual Black Tie Harvest Moon Ball on Saturday October 21 from 7:00 to 12:30 am at the Denver Marriott City Center Colorado Ballroom, 18th & California.

Tickets (limited to 400 women, 400 men) are $48.00 in advance, $58.00 at the door. For more information or advanced tickets call 303-649-9125, or check

Who knows...? You may find fomance or the love of your life when your eyes meet across a crowded dance floor...Many a confirmed bachelor/bacheloretter have been swept off their feet and taken a walk down the isle as a result of the Harvest Moon Ball! Dr. Jenn will be there- Hope to see YOU there!


News: For Couples

Need Some Inspiration?

Several ongoing projects are examining what it takes to have a happy, long lasting marriage! Check out for a photo essay on couples married 40+ years! Or follow Jason and Mat- 2 bachelors- around the country as they interview Marriage Masters- happy couples married at least 40 years! Check out their documentary or sign up for their newsletter at: They've been on the Today show and other national programs. Check out the TV link to learn some love lessons from the masters!


Couples Inventory: Bulletproof Your Love

Whether or not your relationship is currently in trouble, it can help to identify your love's strengths and weaknesses. Doing this can prevent trouble down the road by addressing small issues before they become large. Or if things are less than ideal now, it can help you tackle the big problems so you can bring passion, romance, and connection back into your life.

Cost: $75 per couple, $60 per individual

Email for more info.


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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