Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Welcome to RelationSmarts!

A Dating, Mating and Relating E-Newsletter

October 16, 2006

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Tips and Tools for an Extraordinary Relationship

Every other week, we'll be delivering smart and fresh relating tips. We know you are busy, so let these quick ideas inspire you to create your ideal relationship! Each edition will include helpful information in these three categories:

  • Dating – tips on finding and keeping the perfect partner
  • Mating – take the Passion Perks challenge and perk up your love life!
  • Relating – tips on making your connection Extraordinary

Be sure to scroll down and check out news of note and announcements for singles and couples! We'll be keeping you abreast of relationship happenings you may find useful.

SINGLES! Lots of new exciting opportunities for upcoming programs and events! Don't Miss out!! See below for details...

Does an article strike a chord or remind you of a friend's situation? Please pass Relation Smarts on! Everyone deserves to have more love in their life!

RelationTip: Remember, information is only good if you USE it. Research shows that if you don't use a new piece of information within two weeks, you won't ever use it! So if you want an extraordinary relationship, try something new today!


Join Us This Week!

Finding Love Along the Broken Road: A Revolutionary New Approach to Dating

Thursday October 19th, 6:30-9:30, Lakewood, $20/$25

Email for more info!


Dating: But… “I Love Him/Her”
I hear this refrain ALL the time: “But I LOVE him/her.” In fact, I used this excuse to keep me clinging to a 5 year relationship that should have ended in 5 weeks! But let’s all get clear on one very important fact: when we are using this statement to stay in or return to a BAD relationship (hint: one that causes us pain) – we are deluding ourselves. Why? Because real love, healthy love, mature love (the kind of love we should all be striving for) doesn’t cause us pain. Oh sure, true love may include an occasional needle prick pain, or skinned knee pain- but any so called “love” that involves regular doses of tearful, nail biting, tear your hair out, back stabbing, or feeling it in the pit of your stomach pain is not really love at all. Honestly. It may FEEL like love to you, but it is not. Very far from it in fact.

This kind of “love” is actually your wound, from a long time ago. You see, when you have a less than stellar childhood, frequently, you’ll come out with a neediness that is often mistaken for “love.” This neediness will cause you to confuse painful relationships with “love.” In fact, for you, maybe love has always been bound up with some degree of pain, hurt, rejection, confusion, loneliness, guilt, or anger. And when you feel that again in your latest romantic relationship- you’re apt to draw the erroneous conclusion that this is love. Unfortunately, for people with this background, the more rejection and hurt they experience- the more “love” they feel. It’s a bastard trick really. Especially since when two wounded people get together- this “love” can stick like glue- hurting each other back and forth, with no one having the courage to leave the relationship.

Action Step: So, what’s a love blind girl or guy to do? Recognize that these intense feelings of “love” do not represent healthy, good love. Remind yourself that any love that hurts is really your wound.

Relation Tip: Think that maybe your love hurts too much? Ask a good friend for his or her honest opinion. And see if your gut agrees. Then ACT on it. Don't drag it that 5 weeks turns into 5 years!!!

Coupling Connection specializes in helping you kick the habit of hurtful love. Email for more info!


Mating: A Gentleman Says, "After You"

Want one solid key to improving your sex life? Make this your mantra: She comes first. For so many reasons. Not the least of which is that after orgasm, men release a hormone that makes them sleepy! When she comes first, both parties' satisfaction is guaranteed!

Passion Perks Challenge: Try making this a habit.

Relation Tip: Want to learn more? Check out Ian Kerner's books here, She's Comes First and He Comes Next.


Relating: I Wanna Hold Your Hand!

The Beatles sang about it, teenagers in puppy love do it, but when was the last time you reached out and held your partner's hand? Chances are, it's been awhile. But new research suggests that partners who hold hands experience more than increased connection- they also feel more safe and secure, a biological response which induces relaxation and reduces stress hormones that can dampen your immune system. Wow- who knew that an act as simple as holding hands can make you happier and healthier! But wait, there's more. Holding hands in public is also a sign of commitment and affection, which boosts your bond.

Action Step: What's stopping you? Next time you're out in public with your sweetie, strengthen your heart and your health, by holding hands.


NEWS: For Singles

Having Trouble Meeting the One?

If you're like most singles, you have a hard time meeting the right kind of person to date. If you're serious about finding The One and ready to try something new, consider a matchmaker! Ignite Matchmaking is headed by Denver based Sheryl Williams, a trusted partner of Coupling Connection. She's passionate about finding a mate for you! Check out her website for more info: Ignite Match Making


*Brand New Group Opportunity*

Trans from your life and find your soul mate!

Calling in The One
Singles Study Group

*Forming Now*

(6 month weekly, teleclass or In-person group)

Are you really serious about finding your soul mate?
Are you finally ready to remove all obstacles to finding your perfect partner?
Can you commit to a process that will transform your life?

The focus of this group is to study and implement Katherine Woodward Thomas’ program in her book: Calling in the One: 7 weeks to Attract The Love Of Your Life.

Cost: $10 per session, billed $40 per month.

Don’t settle for a bad relationship or for being alone! Your soul mate is out there and is waiting for you! Transform your life from the inside out, and you will find them!

Join us Next Week! Co-Ed Savvy Singles Book Club!

7-9pm, at Peaberry Coffee, Cherry Creek, 2nd and St. Paul

Topic: Falling in Love For All the Right Reasons (by E-Harmony founder)

You don't even need to read the book! To join or learn more visit: Savvy Singles Book Club.


* NEW Date* Coupling Connection Teleclass!!

Crafting the STAND OUT Internet Dating Profile:

Getting the Attention You Deserve

Tuesday October 24th, 7-8:15pm Mountain time


Join us for a look at the most common profile mistakes and learn how to craft a profile that will get you noticed!

Email for more info or to register!



*FREE* Date Smart! Keys to Dating Smarter, Not Harder

The October topic:

Discouraged?: Using the Secrets of the Law of Attraction to Stay Positive and Find Your Perfect Partner

Monday October 30, 7:30pm, Mountain Time, (9:30 pm eastern)

Learn more here: Date Smart


*Harvest Moon Ball*

All that glitters may turn to "gold" when 800 singles (38 & over) deck out in gowns and tuxes to attend the 5th annual Black Tie Harvest Moon Ball on Saturday October 21 from 7:00 to 12:30 am at the Denver Marriott City Center Colorado Ballroom, 18th & California.

Advance tickets for women are no longer available, but they are still available for men! Women can still purchase at the door.. Tickets are $48.00 in advance, $58.00 at the door. For more information or advanced tickets call 303-649-9125, or check

Dr. Jenn will be there- Hope to see YOU there! Don't miss the BIGGEST singles party all year long!!


News: For Couples

Tips for Good Loving

Check out the website for ongoing, fresh ideas on how to keep your love alive!


*NEW* Couples Inventory: Bulletproof Your Love

Whether or not your relationship is currently in trouble, it can help to identify your love's strengths and weaknesses. Doing this can prevent trouble down the road by addressing small issues before they become large. Or if things are less than ideal now, it can help you tackle the big problems so you can bring passion, romance, and connection back into your life. Cost: $75 per couple, $60 for Individual

Email for more info.


* Have you tried a tip or tool from the Relation Smarts E-newsletter? We want to hear about it!? Let us know what your experience was like. Did it improve your connection? Or no? Email us! *

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.


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