recently interviewed me on the topic of whether jealousy can
be good for a relationship.
Jealousy is a hot topic. What do you think?
Well, like everything, jealousy is good in moderation.
Jealousy is a sign that something
you care about could be in danger.
When you use that emotion positively- to protect
your relationship- it can be a good thing. Of course when
you take that too far- it can be damaging. But as with all
emotions, what counts is what you do with it.
So what’s the best thing to do when you feel
Talk, without blame, about your feelings and perceptions with
your partner so you can protect your relationship together.
As long as you know that being overly jealous isn’t
usually an issue for you (if it is, you may need to work through
the issue with a therapist), the pangs of jealousy could be
your gut telling you that your partner is attracted to someone
There is nothing wrong with that by itself- we’re human,
and it’s going to happen in even the best of relationships.
But it is important that you don’t act inappropriately
on that attraction, and that becomes especially important
when you are around this new person on a regular basis. .
That’s where jealousy can help protect your
relationship. By going to your partner and sharing your feelings,
together you can explore if there is any need for concern.
Sometimes the partner who has a growing attraction never really
realized that it was becoming something that could threaten
your bond. You can do that by exploring some questions together:
- Are you sexually attracted to her/him?
- Do you find yourself fantasizing about her/him?
- Do you feel yourself drawn to her/him emotionally?
- Have you opened up and shared really personal info with
- Has anything happened between you two that you would feel
uncomfortable telling your partner about?
You need to be honest with yourself and your partner
as you explore these questions.
And if there are any yes answers here- the couple can work
together to come up with a plan to deal with it. Typically
that involves moving away from the attractive person. For
example, by agreeing to minimize contact, by telling your
partner when there is contact, and by sharing less personal
However, if you find a developing attraction, you may also
have to take back control of your mind by consciously directing
your attention to your partner whenever you have thoughts
of the new person. In essence, you simply refuse to go down
the road that was starting to look attractive.
The bottom line is this:
We’re all going to have attractions to other people
and sometimes our partners pick up on our emotions and feel
That’s ok because you want to use your instincts-
in this case, your jealousy- to notice when you might need
to protect your relationship.
When you are in a long term committed relationship, you need
to be on the lookout for attraction to others so you can something
about it- not just slide toward it. That’s how too many
But when you listen to your gut and take active measures to
protect your love, it can last a lifetime.
Your Soulmate is waiting
Start attracting them today!
how to Super-Charge Your Soulmate Magnet here
You Waited Long Enough?