Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Why Isn’t Anyone Winking at Me!?:

The Top Ten Internet Dating Profile Mistakes

Article by Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.

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These days Internet dating is huge. If you’re serious about finding The One and are NOT using internet dating, you’re missing out on one of the most powerful ways to meet potential mates. But as with everything, there is a right and a wrong way to create an outstanding profile. With a great profile, you open up a world of possibilities and draw interesting, attractive prospects. With the wrong one, you'll send people running for the hills even if you really are Ms. or Mr. Wonderful. Or worse yet, you'll be attracting the wrong type of responses.

Unfortunately, in a vast sea of profiles, making one blunder can mean the difference between no dates and lots of dates! So whether you’re new to Internet dating and not sure how to get started or you’ve been online but aren’t getting the response you deserve, read on to learn the most common profile mistakes. Armed with this information, you can craft a profile that will get you noticed!

Mistake Number One: Internet Dating is For Losers
Although Internet dating is for smart people ready for action towards a goal, you’d be surprised how many people start their profile off with something like, “I can’t believe it’s come to this.” Believe me, that gives readers the wrong vibe about what kind of person you are. You’re implying that there must be something wrong with you if you’re using Internet dating. Worse, it also suggests that there’s something wrong with the person reading your profile if they’ve had to “stoop” to finding love online. You’re trying to draw people in, not insult them! Therefore, mom’s old adage applies “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Mistake Number Two: Yeah, But Who Are YOU?
Although brevity is supposed to be the soul of wit, when it comes to your profile, being too succinct is a problem. After all, you’re supposed to create some interest, spark some intrigue. Without giving your reader something to react to, something to be drawn to, they will just click on to the next. While, it’s true that people have short attention spans on line- you do want to leave an impression that you’re someone with something interesting to say.

Mistake Number Three: 101 Traits of the Perfect Partner
On the other hand, writing a book is equally problematic. Long-winded profiles usually go into excruciating detail about the kind of qualities you’re seeking in your ideal partner. Remember what they say about giving yourself a long rope?…It’s often enough to hang yourself with. If you give a laundry list of specifics about who you’re looking for, you’ll scare off too many potentially great partners who will fear that they don’t match enough of your stringent requirements. By being more moderate, you’ll draw more people in. This is what you want- getting as many initial replies as you can gives YOU the power to explore more prospective mates. You never can be sure what package your soul mate will arrive in!

Mistake Number Four: Obviously Jaded

Here’s a test: what’s your first reaction when you read- “No players or head games.” I’ll tell you what it’s not: “Oh great, I can’t wait to meet this jaded, cynical person who is expecting the worst.” I hate to say it, but women are more often guilty of this than men. Sure, life can be rough and dating can be even rougher, but no one is attracted to negative, pessimistic people who appear to have baggage. Leave your baggage at the airport.

Mistake Number Five: Describing What You Do, Not Who You Are
Often people make the error of describing only the activities that they engage in. It’s great if you can find a partner who enjoys the same interests as you, but what makes people fall in love is WHO you are, not what you do. So try to describe the kind of person you are. But avoid the other common trap of listing 12 adjectives that describe your personality. Sure, that gives a tiny glimpse into who you might be. But more enlightening (and entertaining) would be a story or short description that explains how you embody a particular characteristic.

Mistake Number Six: Cloning Gone Awry
It’s not uncommon to walk away from a profile thinking, “Great- they like to eat, watch movies, and cuddle…like everyone else on the planet.” Problem is- your reader still doesn’t know why you’re unique- why they should bother to contact you! In Colorado, that problem is even more widespread since so many people describe themselves as outdoorsy lovers of hiking, biking, skiing, etc. To stand out- you’ve got to let your unique self shine through! What makes you different from others? What are you passionate about?

Mistake Number Seven: Neurotic R’ Us
Watch out for sounding desperate, neurotic, insecure, arrogant, or selfish. These are what I call the big red flags- write something that falls into one of these categories and you can guarantee that readers will be offended. Talking about how lonely you are, acting like everyone you meet is below you, or sounding like you need someone to save you spells trouble. So whatever you do- avoid including any red flag statements in your profile. Sometimes it’s a topic, sometimes it’s a tone. You can get away with some mistakes, but this isn’t one of them! Have a friend proof read your ad before posting it- just to make sure!

Mistake Number Eight: Kiddie Take Over
Many people are single after a divorce and have kids. That’s life and there’s nothing wrong with it. Your kids are important to you, so go ahead and mention them in your ad. Even show a picture of them- but do not make the mistake of sounding like your children have completely taken over your life. If it seems like your role as mom or dad is all you have time for, potential suitors will think there’s no room in your life for them!

Mistake Number Nine: No Smiling Faces
Picture selection is key. First off- you have to put up a picture! Profiles with pics receive so many more responses, that it’s almost not worth posting a profile without one- no matter what you look like! So don’t be shy. But you’d be surprised how many people post unbecoming pics- with the most common mistake being not showing off your smile! Your primary picture is your first chance to make a positive impression- and often your last- so make sure you look happy, open, friendly and fun!

Mistake Number Ten: Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Nothing says louder, “I have a big ego” then posting 8, 12, 14 pictures of yourself! Having several is great! You need a good head shot, a flattering body pose, and then maybe a fun one of you doing something you enjoy. Since people often look remarkably different in various photos, having several pictures decreases the likelihood that your date will be unpleasantly surprised upon meeting. However, posting too many pics sends a negative message. Stick with a max of 5 great shots.


By avoiding the top ten profile mistakes, you’ll do a lot to get the attention you deserve! However, this is just the tip of the iceberg. If you’d like to learn more about successful online dating, check out our Attractor Factor Internet Dating Coaching Services here.

Your Soulmate is waiting! Email to get started today!