Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle
Coupling Connection - Dr. Jenn Oikle

Avoid Dating Disaster!
5 Signs that a Divorced Man is Ready to Date

Article by Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.

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As you're swimming through the dating pool, you’re going to come across plenty of men who are divorced. Maybe you are even divorced yourself too.

Divorced men can be great to date.

They may have a lot going for them:
- They understand what it’s like to go though a divorce
- They’ve proven they can make a commitment (sort of)
- They know how to be a life partner, and
- Hopefully, they’ve learned a few lessons from their divorce about how to make a woman happy!

But like everything, there can be downsides to dating a man following his divorce- especially if he starts dating too soon.

To help avoid broken hearts, it’s helpful to know the signs that a man is ready to date after his divorce.

Although these signs won’t fit for every man in every circumstance, they are a good general guideline. Plus, you can use them to determine if YOU are ready to date after your own break up.

5 Signs a Divorced Man is Emotionally Ready to Date

1. The Ink has Dried on His Legal Divorce Documents

Almost always, it’s a bad idea to date a man who is only separated, or whose divorce is still in the works. In these cases, the situation is just too fresh for him to make a great partner for someone else. If he’s really that perfect of a match for you, he’ll still be available when the ink dries.

2. The Divorce has been Official for at Least 6 Months

It takes time to grieve and heal after the end of a marriage. It can’t be rushed. It will likely take more than 6 months for a guy to be ready for serious dating. In fact, it often takes 1-2 years to properly process a divorce on an emotional level and truly be present enough to start another committed relationship.

3. His Mood is Stable

As you know, along with a divorce comes lots of negative feelings to deal with and just when you think you’re done, it starts up again. This emotional roller coaster is no fun to be on, never mind be dating someone who is still on it! So beware if he seems needy or clingy. Ditto if he often gets distant or withdrawn. All are signs that he’s got more healing to do and isn’t yet ready for real romance.

4. Only a Few Mentions of the Ex

Does his ex come up in conversation a lot? Or does he still use “we” when referring to her? Or worse, does he lean on you for support about his relationship with his ex? Nothing is a more sure sign that someone is not ready to date than these signals that she’s still not far from his mind.

5. Infrequent Contact with the Ex

Hey, it’s ok to stay friendly with your ex if that works for both of you. But beware if he still sees or talks to her frequently. More than occasional contact with an ex is a clear sign that part of him is still wrapped up in their connection. As you remodel your sense of identify from duo to solo and build new support systems, the ex’s importance should gradually recede into the background. If she’s still in the foreground- there’s no room for you!

With these signs in mind, you’ll be prepared to determine if a divorced guy is really ready for love.

When in doubt, go slowly and give your new bond a chance to blossom over time.

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