I spoke with a young man recently who was considering
breaking up with his girlfriend of five months.
He rightly recognized that he could not offer
her what she needed. As a result, she was in pain. She
needed more than he could offer, perhaps in terms of time,
commitment, connection, intimacy. Neither partner was right
or wrong, but clearly they were not a match.
Being together resulted in them both feeling bad,
for different reasons. For her, it hurts when the person you
are with won’t or can’t give you what you need.
For him, it’s uncomfortable, maybe even guilt inducing
or irritating, to be with someone whose needs you know you
are not meeting.
In this case, by staying with this woman, the guy
was in essence, re-wounding her.
And she, in staying, was allowing herself to be re-victimized.
This was a pattern each was playing
out from the past…old story line, new actors, but same
If we dug deeper into their histories, we’d
find a family story that supported each of these familiar
roles. A role you are destined to repeat,
only until you chose a different one.
In a situation like this, the most loving action
the man could take would be to tenderly break up with
her, to free her from the painful cycle of wanting more than
she ever receives from him.
To do it with a clean break
would offer his partner the most important gift- the gift
of a new beginning.
Of course, she could also dig deep to find the strength
to give herself the greatest gift of all: Moving
on, knowing that she will never again accept less than she
This couple had different needs in terms of
Comfort with Closeness- the most pivotal of compatibility
factors. When your needs don't naturally match up with your
partner's needs, it's time to move on.
Is there someone you need to give the gift of freedom?
Or is it time to claim your self worth and move on? Time's
a'wasting. Do it today!
Read Related Article: How
to Get Over a Break Up Quickly
Do you routinely find yourself in relationships like the one
above, where you don’t get what you need, or where your
partners want more from you than you can willingly offer?
Dr. Jenn specializes in helping singles sort out these habits
so that they can create the love they deserve. Consider a
dating coaching session to help you sort out your best action
today for your free 20 minute consultation to learn how coaching
can help you create
the love you deserve!
You Waited Long Enough?